Missed Connections.

I'll start this post by saying that I read the Craigslist missed connections page everyday. My goal for the next few months, besides becoming employed, is to have a missed connection post written about me. It's yet to happen, but that doesn't mean I don't find enough entertainment reading every other post Craigslist publishes.

My favorite thing about Craigslist is how the anonymity just makes people go completely crazy. Sure, about seventy to eighty percent of the ads on there are written by assholes. When Jimmy Buffett played two concerts down the street at Wrigley Field, I not only cold hear "Cheeseburger in Paradise" from my house and had to maneuver past drunk Parrotheads on Clark Street, I also read about twenty missed connections that occurred at the concerts.

Then, there are posts that people write that pisses off some guy in Wicker Park. That Wicker Park resident will usually respond, making fun of the author of the previous post. Then all hell breaks loose, and about ten to fifteen different authors, including the first two, end up posting about the stupidity of the author that preceeded them. Then two or three people will write posts about how posts like that shouldn't be published on the missed connections page, but rather the rants and raves page. The whole cycle usually lasts for two or three days.

Yesterday, a man posted an missed connection about a girl reading Atlas Shrugged on the Purple line:

Atlas Shrugged on the purple line - m4w

You were riding the Purple line southbound on Monday evening at 7:15-7:30ish. When I stepped on the train, you were enthralled with your wonder of a book, ATLAS SHRUGGED, and you looked appropriately wonderful the enire way. For the 20 minutes I sat three seats away from you, you did not once look up from your novel, and only stopped once to drink from your bottled water.
I do not want a response to this, and I doubt even more that someone like you would frequent a site like this. I wanted to say, however, that you were the closest I have ever seen to anyone being a model of competence veiled in a body of beauty and art. Your striaght blond hair and simple khacki skirt with white blouse said enough of your taste, with none of the frivolities that most use to display their personalities (obnoxious colors, Ipods, piercings). Your practical sandals were nearly the same color as your shoulder length dark blond hair, and I only wish I would have gotten a better look at your downturned eyes.
From now on, when I read Atlas Shrugged, you will be the vision that I conjure in my mind when Dagney Taggart is mentioned, and I will look for you again on the route; not to be noticed by you, but to enjoy the sight of a goddess completely content in the enjoyment of her moment.

John Galt (...If only...)

Yes, this guy is obviously an asshole. Yes, he probably masturbated to Ayn Rand's portrait on the back cover of his copy of The Virtue of Selfishness. No, we wouldn't want this guy to get away with a post like this.

Here's a response:

RE: Atlas Shrugged on the purple line - m4w

uhhhhh.... creepy... creepy guys like this are what i think about when i read Atlas Shrugged... i really hope that girl was reading that ridiculous book with her tongue in her cheek...

the Ann Coulter Fan Club called... they are waiting on you, creepy dude..

Then, a second response:

I wished I ran into someone reading Atlas Shrugged. I would've asked them to marry me. Once I was reading Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal on the addison bus and some old guy from the cubs game asked if I had to read it for class, and I punched him in the face. Except that didn't really happen...

This could be taken either way. Maybe she was being sarcastic. Maybe she's just another Rand fan.

Those posts were published yesterday, and this evening the original post's author responded:

A quick response to your comment on my posting about the woman I noticed on the L line.

I believe there is very little that is more evil than misuse or laziness with the spoken word, and you clearly are either very stupid, lazy, or evil. Your two lines of embarassment served to show that, among other things, you...

1) ...would rather not take the time to make a real rebuttal or comment, but would rather throw out short remarks that can be neither refuted nor taken seriously, as they have no basis in fact or logic.

2)...more than likely took personal offence to this posting, which probably puts you in the category of one that is bathed in frivolities in leiu of a moral code... I suppose you have piercings, tatoos, gaudy clothing, too much makeup, etc, which is probably appropriate since your body has never served a moral purpose or been used for much other than sensual gratification. Degradation of a mind and body that does nothing but spew insults and negativity without fact is a natural course.

3)... clearly have not even READ the book, as you had to steer the post to another completely unrelated topic, Ann Coulter. If you do not see that the world is driven by more than partisan hatred, you will never see how irrelevant political orientation is when placed next to individual will.

4)... are incapable yourself of admiring something beautiful for what is is. It seems that you are either too caught up in your idea of what beauty/right is to let it be threatened by the ideas of another, or you merely are incapable of seeing something as 'great' without placing some evil or disgusting motive behind it ( you wrote " creepy guys like this are what I thinnk about when i read Atlas Shrugged).

So, I would tell you to get a life, but instead I will just ask you to stay out of other people's lives until you have something productive to add to them.

I'm just going to repeat this part again, because it's too good to be true. Also, because it was in the CRAIGSLIST MISSED CONNECTIONS:

"you more than likely took personal offence to this posting, which probably puts you in the category of one that is bathed in frivolities in leiu of a moral code... I suppose you have piercings, tatoos, gaudy clothing, too much makeup, etc, which is probably appropriate since your body has never served a moral purpose or been used for much other than sensual gratification. Degradation of a mind and body that does nothing but spew insults and negativity without fact is a natural course."

I hope this continues for days...