Highs and lows.

The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs song confuses me. It doesn't really sound like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But I kinda like it anyway.

In my last post I mentioned my new obsession with Nick Cave. I made an observation that I should include here. If you fall asleep listening to Nick Cave and then continue to sleep several hours with it playing, you will inevitably have nightmares. All I remember was that my dreams had a lot of cocaine and murder in them.

Last night I reached a new low. I got way too drunk again and again (!!!) passed out on the coat-bed. At one point, a party guest came in to get his stuff to leave and said to me, "Hey, can you hand me that coat that you're laying on?"

I also realized that having two martinis (which, really, is about six or seven shots of vodka) is never a good move, and I shouldn't have been surprised when I eventually threw up over the railing of my friend's porch. What's worse is that I needed help cleaning up my mess, and I fucking hate that. I really fucking hate that. I hate getting that drunk and being the guy that needs help. I know "everybody's been there" and I "shouldn't be upset" about it, but I am. I'm really embarrassed and it just makes me realize that my post-graduate drinking habits have left me feeling like an asshole nine times out of ten, so I'm going to quit it. I don't want to drink.

Now, I am trying to figure out if I should quit completely, or if I can see myself having a beer or two in a bar (since my behavior usually gets out of hand when I'm at a party supplied with free alcohol). I decided that there are more positive aspects about this decision than negative. For example, I spend a good chunk of my non-rent money on alcohol. In college I blew money on thrift store clothes and music and movies and books. I don't buy any of that stuff anymore. My credit card statement lists charges from bars and restaurants, not Barnes and Noble. I would rather buy good books and see good movies than blow my money away on what will quickly become a hangover and embarrassment.

In other news, Lindsay read a story that I wrote and left a million comments, so I'm looking forward to working on that again. I really need to start writing fiction again, even if it's just little pieces of prose that don't come to conclusions. I need to make a habit of it so I can motivate myself.

I have a new prospective crush that I'm excited about, so that's an exciting thing. Also, I had lunch with new friend Erin this week, and it's nice to meet someone on my own who I actually enjoy.

I'm going to start doing research on the MAPH program at UChicago. Eric seems to think I could get in, but I'm still not sure. When I become a bit more financially stable, I'm going to look into the GRE again and actually prepare for it this time.

There are several shows that I'm looking forward to. Voxtrot is playing at the Beat Kitchen on Friday, Jason Molina is playing Schuba's next Monday, Belle & Sebastian and Jenny Lewis in the middle of March, and Sarah Harmer and Neko Case at the end of March. Hey, if I don't spend all of my money on liter-bottles of wine at Jewel, maybe I can afford tickets! Whatta thought!