So I'm already tired of Snakes on a Plane, and it hasn't even come out yet. And I think my disdain for the movie makes me a bag blogger (kinda like if I went to UVA but hated Dave Matthews Band), but I don't care. It's dumb. It's Snakes on a Plane.
Here's the thing: Snakes on a Plane has become the new Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah, Napoleon was hilarious when I saw it in Richmond two summers ago. I went all cuckoo for cocoa puffs over it. And about two months later so did everyone else on the planet. And that's fine; other people can like the same movies I like. I just don't want to hear them quote it in the dining halls, in the bathroom, or in class. Seriously, it's not THAT funny. It's a movie made by Mormons that makes fun of some nerdy kid with bad hair. I mean, I was excited that the girl from Waterworld was getting some work, but seriously, Napoleon Dynamite isn't that great of a resume-booster. It's the cinematic equivalent of, well, working at a winery. People look at your resume and say, "Oh, that must have been fun!" Then they realize that it really does nothing for your skills and they leave it at that.
Snakes on a Plane is kind of like the facination with Chuck Norris, or the popularity of Andy Samberg (SERIOUSLY. IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. DO A FUCKING SKETCH IN FRONT OF THE AUDIENCE). It's funny for about six minutes, but then it gets really old. Really old. I'm talking "Trapped in the Closet" old.
What really pisses me off about Snakes on a Plane is that the filmmakers are trying to make it a cult-classic from the beginning. That's not how it works. You can't purposely make something good-bad. That only happens when movies are actually so bad that it's funny. Take Stick It, for example. I think that those people actually thought they were making a good comedy. Ha! See? That notion is COMIC GOLD. This rule also applies to Valley of the Dolls, Mommie Dearest, and Showgirls. They were all supposed to be serious dramas, but they were so bad that they became good-bad. Do you see? Do you understand, Samuel L. Jackson? Go rent Freddy vs. Jason and get back to me.
2 comments:
1. I like Andy Samberg, at least he's doing some fresh and funny things, and SNL has always had short films since they started. So suck mine and Andy Samberg's balls.
2. Tell me Tyler, what else have you gone "all cuckoo for cocoa puffs" over? Besides hotdogs and cereal?
I like Snakes on a Plane because it started out as a serious film, called Flight [insert number] here and Snakes on a Plane was just what the crew called it jokingly, then Sammy L. was all "Seriously, let's call the movie that" and the director was like "you're shitting me right?" and Sammy L. was all "if we don't call the movie Snakes on a Plane, I'm quitting" and thus the Gospel was spoken. The fact that I know that, I realize, makes me a total tool. Also Freddy vs. Jason was awesome. You should see Boa vs. Python. It's amazing.
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