Things I saw in a span of five minutes while walking down Clark Street on St. Patrick's Day (Observed):

1. A man walking straight into another man as he exited a car.

2. At least two people narrowly avoiding collisions with cabs.

3. A man with a two-foot-long red beard smashing beer bottles on the curb.

This is all you've got, seriously? Last year, on Broadway, I saw a man walk out of Avenue Tavern, drop his pants, and hail a cab with his penis. You disappoint me, St. Patrick's Day 2K8.