Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I'm a muse!

My friend at JMU said that she needed to write some poems for her creative writing class. I told her to write a poem about her vagina, and she totally delivered:

pink, brown, white, and peach

vaginas can be soft, slimy, and sweet!

stubbly, hairy, and even bald,

some vaginas might be called

a name, like perhaps Vajay

or maybe even as simple as Lay!

The smell they make is so distinct

Too often, yes, mine seems to stink.

like an old rotten fish left in the fridge

and thats when i know i gotta clean the bitch

so girls don't forget to treat your vaginas well

for fear a penis might think its hell

rather clean it up! make it a little pink heaven.

and welcome the penises! mine has seen seven.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

This entry is not for people who don't like poop.

I've been kind of depressed since this weekend. I think it's mostly because I couldn't kick the massive hangover that lasted a day and a half. Also, my mother gave me a deadline for when she'd stop loaning me money, which means I have to support myself starting February first.

Today I applied for two jobs online, one at the Newberry Library and one at SmithBucklin. I also went to another Urban Outfitters job fair (this time at the House of Blues hotel, which was weird). The girl who interviewed me last time recognized me and found my other application, which she said meant that I'm on the list of people they are considering. Hopefully going back shows that I actually need and want the job. On the train ride home, I decided that I could be happy working there indefinitely. I'd get an awesome discount. Plus, applying to a store which asks what your music tastes are really appeals to me, especially since I know all the right answers.

I also found about two more temp agencies, and these specialize in creative types (not the Scrabble-club and people-with-babies agencies I'm currently registered with).

Today one of the cats, Sinatra, was walking around with a piece of shit dangling from her ass, and I didn't know what to do. So I did nothing. Well, I wouldn't let her sit on the furniture. And I also watched where I stepped. I dealt with enough shit yesterday. Figuratively and literally. I discovered that one of the cats had not only missed the litterbox, but also the downstairs toilet was clogged haaardcore. I don't even know who uses that toilet. I know it wasn't me. Anyways, enough of that.

I've downloaded some good music recently, including the new Cat Power, Lou Reed's Transformer, Jenny Lewis's solo album, and most of the songs from the soundtrack to The Squid and the Whale. I've been listening to them all day, so I've been much happier than I was this weekend.

Oh! Today I saw this guy who looked a lot like my gay Republican stalker and I got homesick for JMU and Carrier Library.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The microphone cut off so we're screaming at the top of our lungs.

Since my debaucherous rock-and-roll lifestyle is so exhausting, I don't really feel like writing up a complete recap of last night. I'll just write about the highlights.

Lindsay and I went to this party in Wicker Park thrown by these guys. The theme was "Daddy's Goodnight Blowjob." I swear to god. Boys were supposed to wear fake mustaches, girls have their hair in pigtails, and everyone were to be wearing pajamas. Of course I wasn't going to dress up. I was going to go, drink a bottle of cheap red wine, and dance.

I think the moment that made me happy was when I watched some barely-legal indie-rock boy try to dance to shitty house music in his tight green briefs, only to slip off of the stage and land on the floor.

I also saw people doing cocaine, which was a first.

Lindsay and I danced on the stage and some girl made a comment about my "Hey, That's My Bike" shirt. "Great shirt, terrible movie," she said. I found her later and talked to her. I made my first real friend in Chicago, even though it could only be just another MySpace buddy, but whatever. Our friendship began because of one of my cool-guy tshirts and that's all I've ever wanted in life.

Lindsay and I made friends with these two brothers who were running the coat check. One of them was wearing a gymnastic uniform (which he claimed to find in his roommate's closet). I asked him to do some moves and he wouldn't. Then I demanded that he do some moves (I think I'm pretty forceful when I'm drunk), and he DID. Fantastic.

Oh, and after drinking a bottle of Yellow Tail Cabernet, I drank two vodka and cranberries. Typical loser Tyler move. When I threw up on a gutter outside, some nice Hispanic man came up to me and said, "Are you okay, my friend?"

I kinda had fun, only because I was drunk and hoping that random things would happen. I don't know if I can handle another party like that, though. The scene is just too exhausting.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Remember that scene in Annie Hall where Alvy eats dinner with the Halls in Chippewa Falls and there's the split-scene sequence where Annie's parents and Alvy's parents are at their respected dinner tables? That's kind of what my Thanksgiving was like.

Since I didn't get to go home, and because her large, extended family was coming to Chicago for the holiday, Julia invited me to eat dinner with her. It's just so fascinating to watch how other families interact, especially in a way that is completely different from your own. There were a lot of family members there, and they all kinda "hung out" before Thanksgiving in one of the suites of the hotel they were staying in. And hanging out basically meant sitting around and talking about stuff that my family would never talk about. I remember Julia's aunts and uncles talk about possible Democratic presidential nominees. They tried to help Julia's brother and cousin finish the New York Times crossword ("Who was the first president of the German Republic, again?"). Julia's uncle showed off his new Blackberry.

The whole time I tried to imagine the conversation going on at my parents' house where my mother's family was celebrating together. "So, does Keith like being the assistant manager at the Food Lion?" "Did you see that episode of ER last week?" It was just so weird to not hear NASCAR brought up over dinner. Instead, we had a faily intellegient conversation on newspaper comic strips.

My favorite part of Thanksgiving was seeing Julia's brother, Alex, again, who is competely fantastic. This will give you an idea what he's like: before dinner, Eric, Julia's boyfriend, and I were talking about Saul Bellow novels because he let me borrow Henderson the Rain King, which I'm reading now. After discussing Bellow left a lull in the conversation, Alex turns to me and says, "Have you read Jim Davis's Garfield Chews the Fat? I really think it's his best work."

Thursday, November 24, 2005

You have to start somewhere.

My life goal right now is to be a talking head on a VH1 clip show within the next eight years.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Top 40 in 2005.

I listened to a lot of music this year. Also, I liked a lot of music this year. When I first thought about writing a top albums list, I was thinking I'd include maybe ten. But then when I realized how much awesome music was released this year, I first expanded it to fifteen (the top fifteen shown below). There were still so many albums, of course, that I thought deserved mention, so I threw in twenty-five others. If you haven't yet, listen to them. And thank you for humoring my idea that I can be a music critic for a day.

1. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois
This shouldn’t be a surprise, and it only needs a brief explanation. Epic in scope, Sufjan Stevens pulls from American history and literature and mixes in his own personal confessionals. Not only is this the best album of the year, it’s right up there with my favorite albums of all time.

2. Antony and the Johnsons – I Am A Bird Now
There’s a reason why a band full of American residents won the top British music award, beating out Coldplay, Kaiser Chiefs, and Bloc Party. Comparing Antony and the Johnsons to those bands is pretty silly. This album is beautiful, weird, and touching. It features some of the best guest appearances on one single album, including Rufus Wainwright, Lou Reed, Devendra Banhart, and Boy George.

3. The Fiery Furnaces – Rehearsing My Choir
The Fiery Furnaces are probably the most progressive musicians in music right now. This album was a major risk, and unfortunately it has mostly been a critical and commercial failure. But seriously, you have to appreciate the balls it took to create a concept focusing around your 83-year-old grandmother. This album is absolutely haunting, and anyone who can’t appreciate that is an idiot. There. I said it.

4. Belle & Sebastian – Push Barman To Open Old Wounds
Technically not an album rather than a gathering of Belle & Sebastian’s EPs released between their debut album and their last studio recording, Dear Catastrophe Waitress. This collection has some of their best songs, including “Lazy Line Painter Jane,” “This Is Just a Modern Rock Song,” “Take Your Carriage Clock and Shove It,” and “Marx and Engels.”

5. Broken Social Scene – Broken Social Scene
It’s hard to imagine an album on the level of You Forget in People, but Broken Social Scene did it. It’s just as bizarre and ass-kicking, but also more accessible to the non-indie masses. Featured on the album, again, is Leslie Feist, who is deservedly finding a following of her own as a solo artist.

6. Devendra Banhart – Cripple Crow
While Conor Oberst and Ryan Adams receive the most comparisons to Bob Dylan, Devendra Banhart is most like Leonard Cohen. He has a fantastic voice that carries through the seventy-five minute folk epic, invoking Cohen’s smooth vocal stylings as well as his poignant and witty lyrics.

7. Art Brut – Bang Bang Rock and Roll
The best garage-rock album of the year is also the most hilarious. Art Brut satirizes the hell out of a classic, yet repetitive, genre. “No more songs about sex, drugs, and rock and roll: it’s boring,” shouts lead vocalist (I just can’t call him a singer, just can’t!) Eddie Argos on the title track. This band might be the best British import of the year; I just hope their follow-up is as good.

8. The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema
The New Pornographers have always been good, but this album seems a little more mature and fine-tuned, especially with the inclusion of “The Bleeding Heart Show.” Plus, if put against Fleetwood Mac in a battle royale, Neko Case would totally kick Stevie Nicks’s ass.

10. The White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan
The best thing about The White Stripes is that they are constantly evolving without discarding their sound. Their follow-up to Elephant is just as dark and bluesy, adding in more piano for good measure. Have a listen to “Passive Manipulation”; you’ll wish Meg White, who sounds like a modern-day Dusty Springfield, would pick up the microphone more often.

11. Junior Senior – Hey Hey My My Yo Yo
Technically, this album doesn’t appear in the United States until next year, but it’s one of my favorites of 2005 nonetheless. This record is going to prove that Junior Senior wasn’t a one hit wonder. It’s more of the same upbeat, disco-inspired craziness that was featured on their first album, only this time Le Tigre helps out on five separate songs. It’s lighthearted and a lot of fun.

12. Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning
Oh, Conor, why did you waste our time with that electronic shit when everyone knows you should stick to the folksy stuff? And hey, tell Emmylou and Maria I said hi.

13. Fiona Apple – Extraordinary Machine
I didn’t even know I liked Fiona Apple (well, other than “Criminal” and her cover of “Across the Universe”) until this album. This may have been the most talked-about mainstream album this year, with stories flying about how the record company snubbed her Jon Brion-produced cuts (or maybe they didn’t?). Anyway, the studio version is not bad, but it’s the Jon Brion version, leaked on the internet thanks to some Fiona-fan, that really shines. Just have a listen to “Not About Love”; Apple’s furious lyrics mixed with Brion’s string arrangements are absolutely beautiful, and it’s enough to make any Liz Phair fan wish that she’d come to her senses and work with Brion herself.

14. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals – Jacksonville City Nights
Whew. Ryan Adams is one prolific motherfucker. Jacksonville City Nights is the second collaboration with The Cardinals this year, and easily the better of the two albums. He’s also the Madonna of alt-country / indie rock, and while Madonna is going back to her dance-hall roots with her new album, Jacksonville City Nights is very reminiscent of Adams’s early work with Whiskeytown.

15. Liz Phair – Somebody’s Miracle
Give Liz Phair a break. Sure, she’s still got some kinks to work out with her choice of producers, but anyone who criticizes her recent career evolution is missing the point. Sure, she’s not making anything reminiscent of Exile in Guyville, but should she? She at least deserves kudos for making an album that is honest and, yes, enjoyable. Anything in the vein of Guyville would be completely dishonest and would (deservedly) earn her just as much negative press as 2003’s self-titled debacle(?) and the unfortunately titled Somebody’s Miracle. As soon as you get past the production and listen to the lyrics and vocals (especially on the opener, “Leap of Innocence”), you’ll realize it’s the same blow-job queen, just a little classier.

Honorable Mention:

Ryan Adams & The Cardinals - Cold Roses

Babyshambles – Down in Albion

Brendan Benson – The Alternative To Love

Black Lipstick – Sincerely, Black Lipstick

Black Mountain – Black Mountain

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Howl

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Death Cab For Cutie – Plans

Dressy Bessy – Electrified

Dungen – Ta Det Lungt

Feist - Let It Die

The Fiery Furnaces – EP

The Go! Team – Thunder Lightning Strike

Iron & Wine – Woman King [EP]

Iron & Wine and Calexico – In The Reins [EP]

Ben Lee – Awake Is The New Sleep

Magnolia Electric Co. – What Comes After the Blues

Aimee Mann – The Forgotten Arm

Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later

Matt Pond PA – Winter Songs [EP]

Sigur Ros – Takk

The Spinto Band – Nice and Nicely Done

Spoon – Gimme Fiction

Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run [Reissue]

Maria Taylor – 11:11

Voxtrot – Raised By Wolves [EP]

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

It's true, they are pretty great.

Someone found my blog by googling "pretty awesome thighs."

Also, last night Janna told me that she saw a man sprawled out on the stairway at an El stop. But with his face at the bottom of the stairs and his legs going up the stairs. She said, "He was either asleep or dead."

Monday, November 21, 2005

Best email ever. Please, sign me right up!

Date: Nov 21, 2005 7:36 PM

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This job would be based on contract and commission terms, it is a part-time job and it would involve quite a handful of trust and honesty. If you would be interested in including a good-paying,part time job to your daily list of activities, then you could kindly reply in my email and I would be glad to brief you more.Thank You
S&A International Ltd
31 Wilmslow Rd, Cheadle, Cheshire
SE28 0LS

"We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge."

Of course I'm awake at six in the morning. Of course I've been awake for three hours. Why would I want to get a good night's sleep?

My sleep schedule's all screwy because for some reason I just couldn't get to sleep last night, and ended up pulling an all-nighter. I got out of bed, finally giving up on sleep, around 7:30 yesterday morning, went downstairs and took a shower (in Kristin's bathroom because our shower curtain rod random fell down and Janna and I can't figure out how to get it back up), and came back upstairs and read for a while. Next thing I know it's 3:47 in the afternoon. I passed out on my bed next to my laptop and everything.

Also, Joe, the new roommate, moved in today, so today was a great day to sleep until four. He had been here for almost two hours and I was asleep. I'm a douche. I had to walk downstairs and greet him letting him know that I would be the loser roommate who sleeps all day.

Then last night (although it feels like tonight because I HAVEN'T SLEPT) I got into bed around midnight and tried reading. I felt sleepy so I turned off the light and went to sleep. Of course, when you wake up at four in the afternoon and you go to sleep at midnight, your body just needs a nap. So yeah, I woke up three hours later. Loser.

Saturday night was kind of fun in an unexpected way. Lindsay, Kristin and I planned to go see the parade on Michigan Avenue. We met up at 10pin bowling alley because Lindsay's roommate works there and we bowled for free. I actually got three spares, which is fantastic since I haven't bowled since sophomore year. We didn't finish the round because we wanted to catch the parade and fireworks. The parade was stupid because it was just random Disney characters riding on floats, but the fireworks were good. I mean, they were just fireworks, but ya know - that's fun.

After the parade we went to a huge McDonald's because I was starving. Because there were about 2,938,382 people at the parade, about 28,382 of them ended up at the same McDonald's. There weren't any tables so the three of us sat on the stairs in the middle of restaurant. It was worth it though. I know McDonald's is horrible for you, and I refused to eat there during college, but man, it's so good. So so good.

Julia called and said that some girls from her program were coming down from Evanston to go out to bars in Wrigleyville and she invited us to come. That was an interesting experience. Clark Street on a Saturday night is gross and I don't really like it, but hey, I'll try anything. We went to John Barleycorn's, one of the eight fake Irish pubs on the 3500 block. We had to wait in line to get in. We had to wait in line to get upstairs to dance. It was a gross bar and Lindsay, Kristin, and I were so out of place (I was wearing a long-sleeved white t-shirt and green sneakers. I was afraid I wouldn't get in or something.) I had fun dancing to bad music because I haven't gotten to dance in Chicago at all (I need to meet people who host dance parties). Also, being the only boy in a group of girls meant I had to save each one when random drunk guys got too touchy and grabby.

I think the weirdest part of the evening was, after playing "My Humps" and "Get Low", the DJ put on "Don't Stop Believing". What? Why? It was pretty ridiculous, watching people try to dance to Journey.

I finally got a chance to listen to The Shaggs[Now an actual link]. They're pretty awful, but I think the album really deserves at least one listen. Also, while being awake for most of last night, I made a really good Christmas CD and downloaded some more live Sufjan performances and outtakes from the Michigan album. I've been trying to find the Jenny Lewis album, but I can't; poo.

I saw part of St. Elmo's Fire today. I think I'm most like Rob Lowe.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I can't sleep, so here I am.

I had an awesome online conversation tonight with my friend Kristel from high school. I'm glad there's another person with whom I graduated that I can talk with about how much it sucked then and how we're different / one hundred times better.

I'm sure someday I'll think the same way about college. Give me five years. Until then I'm going to keep thinking about high school.

I miss Laurie so much already. asdfjkl;

Something else I miss (although not as much as Laurie, of course) is our kitchen table, which Laurie took home with her. Tonight we fixed food and sat on the floor. As if we're Chinese! (They are the ones who sit on the floor to eat, right?)

Janna, Kristin, and I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire today. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't as good as the book, obviously. Not that I really remember the book because they're all the same, but I do remember liking the fourth book the best. On a related note, I feel sorry for the Harry Potter kids because after they finish filming the seventh movie they're going to be in their twenties and never get any other acting jobs. Maybe thirty years later, after alcoholism and depression has reached its pinnacle, I'll see Ron Weasley on a VH1 reality show where he announces on a radio show that he cheated on his wife.

On another related note, Danny Bonnaduce deserves to be broken. Right in the face. What kind of asshole tells his wife and a few million radio-listeners that he screwed around. I wonder how Shirley Jones feels about that.

I also had another great conversation with Christina tonight when we watched about twenty minutes of Hootenanny Hoot on Turner Classic Movies. Thank god for cable and the internet - you can watch your favorite movies with your favorite friends even when they live a few thousand miles away!

Friday, November 18, 2005

I'm not in love with the modern world.

Laurie's nearly completely moved out and I am sad. I came home from an interview expecting her to still be here, but she wasn't, and I freaked out and called her twice. Then I saw that her purse was still in her room, and she finally answered her phone and told me she's walking around with her dad.

I had my interview at 826CHI, which went well - I think I may start tutoring kids there next week even. The only thing that kinda sucked about it was that when I went in two Mexican guys were working on the front room, and one of them said to me, "No class today, amigo?" I was like, "Uh, no..." Then I realize he thought I was in high school. That didn't make me feel good.

I got on the bus to come home from Wicker Park and I recognized a square from that bad Josh Hartnett movie. Now I'm watching High Fidelity even though I hate it and John Cusack.

I also realized that I was not made for the cold. I'm sitting in my basement wearing three shirts, two pairs of socks, and cord jeans over silk long underwear. Yes, I have silk long underwear. It's pretty fantastic. I had a friend in college who used to make fun of me for having fleece-lined jeans, but I don't care; I just like to keep my legs warm.

I competely understant the Sudoku fad now, since I tried (in vain) to complete one of the puzzles last night and it didn't work out. I don't know what made me want to finish it because it reminded me of something from high school math class.

I'm kinda sad that it's almost December and I still haven't gotten a job. I'm going to set a deadline for when I have to have my life together. I'm thinking June. June 14th.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Wanna gang bang a reality star?

Well, I finally heard back from the wine store on my block. I guess the manager was going to give me a job to help them before Christmas, but then a girl who used to work there called and said that she'd be in Chicago, so she gave the job to her instead. Boo.

She did call my references, which she said were phenomenal. "They really want you back at the winery. They said I should send you back to Virginia!"

So funny.

Along Came Polly is on HBO right now. When will the rest of the world realize how much Ben Stiller sucks at life?

Also, read this post. I hope it's actually Julie, the Mormon from the New Orleans season.

Overheard while walking home from a bar with my roommates:

"How is it possible that my thighs are both on fire AND completely numb?"

Beats me.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Aussies and famous ex-girlfriends.

I was reading my website tracker that tells me where my readers are. I have one recurring reader in Australia, which is exciting. (Hi Australia!). Anyway, the idea of having a reader in Australia that I don't personally know (unless I suddenly forgot that one of my friends is in Australia), is pretty exciting, and I was talking to my friend Christina about it.

Me: i want to know who my australian fan is
Christina: nicole kidman
Christina: mystery solved
Me: hahahahaha
Me: i should post that SNIPPET
Me: that's funny
Me: you'll have your own fans
Christina: well i am a supporting character in the world of your blog
Me: I'm a fan of that dude's crazy celebrity-obsessed friend!
Christina: i'm not celebrtiy obsessed
Christina: i'm just obsessed with certain celebrities
Christina: most of which no one knows who they are
Me: most of them don't even know they're celebrities.
Christina: exactly

Speaking of celebrity-obsessed, I had another stupid / mildly amusing dream that I'd like to share:

Christina: last night i dreamed that zombies were attacking
Me: um
Christina: again
Me: i had a crazy dream the other night
Christina: i dream about being scared of zombies attacking a lot
Me: i was dating a girl named joey
Me: and we went a play
Christina: potter?
Me: and i bumped into joey lauren adams
Christina: from dawson's creek?
Christina: hahaha
Me: and we hadn't seen each other since we were in a movie together
Christina: hahha
Me: and it got awkward that i was dating another girl named joey
Me: because we had a fling on the set, apparently.
Christina: i wish i had your dreams

We're just talking to the kids.


Laurie and I just got home from seeing Art Brut at Schuba's. What a fan-fucking-tastic show!

I was really excited when I bought the tickets a month ago, but then for some reason my excitement dwindled. Huh. I was caught by surprise because they are quite entertaining!

But what could expect from the band who is "going to write the song that makes Isreal and Palestine get along"?

The lead singer, the slightly gross (but in a nice way) British dude, didn't play any instruments. And really, he doesn't sing, either. But come on. This is one of the best bands ever. They just make fun of every other kinda shitty indie garage-rock band while making really good music.

At one point, during a guitar solo, he jumped into the crowed and walked to the back of the room screaming the refrain with his hands cupped around his mouth. C'mon, beat that.

Also, at the end of "My Little Brother" (one of my favorites) when he shouts, "Stay OFF the crack!" he kept going: "STAY AWAY FROM PETE DOHERTY. He has a shitty arm and a bad tattoo."


In non-music news, I went to the Urban Outfitters hiring open house where I had the most laid-back interview ever. Honestly, Urban Outfitters is not what I'm looking for, so I decided to be honest and just be like, "Look, I'm good at customer service and the cash register so shut the hell up." Well, I wasn't so blunt but I did make some jokes and we all enjoyed them. Blah.

Monday, November 14, 2005

My world just imploded.

Christina just sent me a link to a website.

At first I was confused.

Then I laughed.

Then I was confused again.

Am I laughing because of what I'm seeing or what I'm hearing?

Am I laughing with it or at it?

I don't know.

You can decide.

Oh, happy day.

Oh man, today's been great and it's only 12:30.

I got up early for my interview. Listened to good music on the train.

Had the interview, and found out that the office wasn't just another staffing agency, but a real recruiting firm. The girl who I talked with said they get a few copywriting positions a month. Plus, this girl had also just graduated in May and moved to Chicago from Texas, so at least I'm talking to someone who knows how hard it is to find something now as opposed to some older person who's had their job for five to ten years.

I left the office feeling pretty good. I walked past the Oriental Theater, where Wicked has been playing for months, and I saw a sign for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee; it's coming here in March, so I'm excited for that!

Went to Barnes and Noble and returned two novels that I READ. Haha, eff you, Barnes and Noble!

Walked to the corner of Diversy and Clark and I didn't have to wait for the Clark bus to come! That NEVER happens!

On the bus there was this woman with her son in a stroller. The baby was adorable. I was just listening to my iPod and I started to hear him cry, and I saw he dropped his transfer card (yeah, the baby had a CTA pass and a transfer card), so I picked it up and gave it back to him. He smiled. It's the little things.

Then I saw I had a voicemail from an unknown number. I checked the message and it was from one of the temp agency that I had given up on (they stopped returning my calls), and the woman there said they were working on an editorial assistant position. I called her back and left a message, so hopefully she'll call and I can tell her to send my resume already.

Then I got an email from another company; I have a phone screen today at three.


Sunday, November 13, 2005


There seems to be a pattern here. I keep waking up on Sunday afternoons with a painful headache, a hazy recollection of the night before, and lots of pictures.

I shall now try to piece together the events from last night with my photographic evidence.

Here's a picture of Laurie doing something funny while we were waiting for the El at our stop. We were already drunk, having had several glasses of wine, and we were going to our friend Julia's apartment. The heat lamps were on when we got there, and I was excited about taking pictures because the heat lamps were giving us "the best lighting EVERRRRR." I took about twenty-some pictures while we sat there. Here are highlights.

Tongues are funny:

I think this is me giving Kristin a good talkin'-to.

A guy on a passing train starting waving his fingers to us. Well, most likely not at me. Kristin and Laurie found it amusing.

Even when I'm drunk, I take pictures of stupid things like my feet.

This is how drunk I was:

This is still before we got to our friend's house. And it took me two or three tries to get my jacket buttoned correctly.

That's a really great shot.

I'm not sure why Julia's holding up grapes. Maybe to symbolize mistletoe?

I don't remember ever being on the floor.

My hair is eight feet tall.

I don't remember these chips...

...but apparently, I enjoyed them...

...a lot.

I don't remember passing out in the bowl, but it sure looks like I did.

I think this collection of pictures reflects why I haven't made any friends here yet. Also, people should not invite me over.

I do remember making book recommendations, though. I like to give off an idea that I'm literary, even when I'm having trouble standing up. I wrote down lists of Faulkner and Greene titles. I'm sure whoever I gave them to have no idea what I wrote down.

I'll now leave you with a picture of me almost eating pizza: