Yes, hello!
Tyler and I are in day #4 of vaycay 2k7 in the Oaterbanks (as those from the Northern Neck might say) / the Outerbarx as the dogs might say. Let me tell you: everyday is a scorcher down here. Is it hot enough for me? Yes, yes it is. This is my 9th summer down here and woooweee is it different from when I'm here with MY family. (I blew off my own family for a surrogate this summer.) I'm used to being down here with approx. 30 people in one household. This week I'm here with the Coateses and family friends which bring the total count to 8 heads. It's like Bizarro Beach Week I swear to god. These beautiful, nice, generous people sit around the table and eat dinner together. They wait until everyone's awake (I broke my promise to myself that I wouldn't be the last one to wake up but it happened and they didn't even make me feel weird about it!!) and ready to go before trekking down da beach all the while making sure everyone will have a sandwich they like when they're all settled in a little beach chair! They fix drinks for each other (mmmmmmargaritas)! Play board games together! Have large-group conversation! They are all so lovely. One board game in particular that mystifies me: Impulse. The "M" is make to look like a squiggly line from a heart monitor. It's this game that I think a friend of a family friend invented but never sold to Milton Bradley or one of those bigwigs, and so it never really "made it." Talk about fast-paced. I've only won this game twice, but that's okay, I haven't been playing for years and years like everyone else in this house. SUCK IT. WHATEVER. I'LL IMPROVE. Tonight we get to play Hedbanz. I'm really excited to play it. We were supposed to play last night but I think a bottle of red wine got in the way. I don't know, google Hedbanz, just look at the cover. I'm so excited.
But what I was really getting at is that when I'm down here with my usual supersized crew, I go days without seeing members of my immediate family. You just, kind of, sift through the pile of car keys on the counter and see which ones match whichever vehicle is closest to the road and ride down to Food Lion for Bagel Bites or something. At dinner time cousins and I eat mac&cheese with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it for dinner when the Grown Ups eat pan-seared pistachio encrusted swordfish with potato croquettes. When will I be a grown up? Never. When people are pissed off on my family vacation, there are a lot of cold shoulders, down cast eyes, and behindtheback shittalking. People actually verbally duke it out here at vaycay 2k7. I've heard A-words, P-words, S-words, and F-words flying all over this house like fruit flies on an apple pie. I love it. I've detected four distinct types of sarcasm and I admire them all. I have my own bed here. My own room in fact. I'm used to drunkenly stumbling around looking for something soft on which to lay my head so I can catch some zzzs under a staircase or something.
Tylie (that's what his mom's friend calls him! it better catch on!) and I made a bet concerning the freshly-released Magnolia Electric Company boxset. HE SAYS that it will NOT be sold in records stores down here. SHE SAYS it will. Loser buys winner a ticket to their upcoming show. See you there sucker.
I love you guys.
ps tyler farted in front of me and it has brought our friendship to a 'hole new level.
pps Simpsons movie = 3.5 clams shells out of 5.
ppps dolphins are all cute but when you're in a kayak, arms length away, they're kinda skeeeeeery.
K SEE YA.
Ed. Note: To save you Googling time, here is the cover of Hedbanz:
Also, I do not fart.
No comments:
Post a Comment