Hot lunch jam!

Don't let the title fool you. I'm eating a pretty pathetic peanut butter sandwich. Also, there's no jam, or jelly.

I have two quick stories to report on while I'm allowed to use the internet, since I'm on my own time.

On Friday, after being angry with Apple and, in general, life, I decided, "Hey, I'll get a haircut." Maybe I just like to fit in as many shitty things into one day. That way the rest of my week seems really awesome in comparison.

Of course, I made the mistake of going to the Hair Cuttery on Southport. It's right on my block and convenient, so that factor seemed to outweigh the fact that it's expensive and, you know, pretty shitty. I sit there and wait for a few minutes with a couple other awkward dudes who definitely did not need a haircut. They're the kind of guys who get the number six on the top and a two on the sides and freak out three weeks later when their hair is longer than five-sixths of an inch.

I like to be more creative, which was probably my problem on Friday. My hair was LONG, probably the longest it's ever been, but I liked it save for the feathered thing it was doing on the sides. So I told my girl to cut even it out, trim the sides, and to thin it out on the top. I remember saying the words, "I like the length in the front." Yes, I liked the bangs. I need the bangs. My forehead is seven inches. I need the bangs.

She decided that she didn't like the bangs, I guess, because before I realized what was going on, she was cutting the hell out of them. And now I'm left with what is basically a Caesar. Or possibly something that looks like this. In short (ha!), I'm not happy about it.

The other story is one that I meant to write about last week, but the story paled in comparison to me wearing my underwear on backwards, so I saved it for today when, really, I have nothing exciting to talk about. Long story short: I found my eighteen-year-old cousin on MySpace. (Finding family on there always beats finding old high school friends / enemies.) I thought it was really funny because this is the cousin who I got in trouble because I showed my mother his AIM profile's gangsta rap lyrics (he deserved it, because he and his brother once told his father that I had "I hate America" written on my profile two years ago (which was not true) and my grandfather freaked out and thought I would be "marked" by the government). He's since then blocked me on AIM, so I'm definitely not adding him as a friend on MySpace. (The same rule that I reserve for high school classmates applies to family members: they have to add me first.) I was talking to Sarah on lovely old Google Chat / GChat / GTalk / Whatever, Google, and I suggested (sarcastically, by the way), that she add him as a friend. She did, and he added her back. Which goes to show you some people will be friends with anybody on MySpace, even twenty seven-year-old French teachers in Chicago.

I just wonder if he'll ever notice that his cousin is also friends with this "random" girl in Chicago. I somehow doubt it.

PS. If you're interested in my cousin, ladies, this is what he writes about himself: "I'm a senior at this dirt school Culpeper. I enjoy reading books and just having a grand old time with my pals. I cant wait to get out of this town. If you want to talk im me on [I'll at least keep his screenname private]. O, and i hate reading books."