Complaining about the Oscars is the new "I'm moving to Canada."

Hey, you know what, Internet? Stop complaining about the Oscars. First, you bitch about the lack of an Oscars because of the Writer's Strike. Then you whine about how the Oscars will suck. And then you spend four hours watching the Oscars and live-blogging them and then spend several more hours the day after complaining about how they sucked. And - this is slightly unrelated - can I remind you, Internet, that you fucking lost your shit over Juno two months ago, and now the stripper's little screenplay is as annoying as she is?

I hope that we'll eventually mature as a mid- to late-twentysomething set of people who realize that we don't have to keep getting our hopes up five minutes before the opening monologue. The Oscars are the same as they ever were. They've always had pointless montages celebrating fabulous things in the history of cinem. There have always been at least one Broadwayish musical number (one might forget that in the '90s, during Disney's most productive years, there were several Oscar ceremonies featuring multiple songs from single films). Hell, there used to be interpretive dance sequences to the nominated scores, so can't we all just calm the eff down and realize that, okay, interviewing past winners about how they felt to waltz up on stage is actually better than watching movement set to the theme from The Thin Red Line?

Or, you know, you could all get real jobs that didn't involve getting paid to write about shit you watch on TV.

A very brief Oscar wrap-up.

I watched the Oscars last night with Adam, Jackie, and Alissa (who does not have a blog but still is worth mentioning). Here are some thoughts, which had to wait until this morning because of the bottle of red wine I drank last night.


Poor Amy Adams! It was like watching an unpopular girl sing a Mariah Carey song at a high school talent show. I tend to get vicariously embarrassed for people in situations like that. I don't understand why they couldn't get some back-up dancers to do something in the back there. Why the hell wasn't Debbie Allen called in? I mean, we did have to suffer through this:




Oh, look! Robyn showed up!

You can't see them very well in this picture, but Ethan Coen has some terrifying teeth, the kind that, as Adam put it, "could give Frances McDormand a hysterectomy."


Finally, I am so glad that most of America doesn't know who the hell Tilda Swinton is. Otherwise, I'd constantly hear, "You know who you look like to me? Tilda Swinton!"

Hey, did you know Diablo Cody used to be a stripper?

Adam alerted me to this video of Jackie Clarke as Diablo Cody, screenwriter of Juno:

Oh, yeah, the Oscars are this weekend.

The Oscars used to be, like, the biggest night of my year when I was in high school. In the past few years, my excitement has waned a little, especially since I realized that the Academy honors movies that aren't that great while shutting out the smaller films that, in the long run, will make a bigger impact on film-making and -criticism. BUT this year is exciting, as the crop of films nominated are actually pretty good! And while I didn't see all of the nominated movies (I missed Michael Clayton and have yet to get it from Netflix), I saw enough to write a post about what will win. And we all know that all of my opinions are right.

So! Here are my picks and what I think will win. HERE WE GO:


Best Picture
Like I said, I didn't see Michael Clayton, but I think it's safe to say that it doesn't have much of a chance here. Juno was cute and funny, and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, but I don't particularly think it's Best Picture material. Atonement also exceeded my expectations: not only was it a faithful adaptation of one of my favorite novels, it was absolutely beautiful to watch; however, it only takes the Weepy-Romantic-War-Movie spot in the top five, so I don't think it will win. That leaves There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. It's almost hard for me to pick, as both blew me away, but I think my favorite was No Country for Old Men, and I think it will take the prize at the end of the night.


Best Director
This one is tough, again because I think it's a toss-up between the Coen Brothers for No Country for Old Men and Paul Thomas Anderson for There Will Be Blood. I think I may have to go with PT on this one, if only because I don't expect the Academy to give the award (for the first time, by the way) to two directors.


Best Actor
I've only seen two of the nominees in this category, those being Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood and Johnny Depp for Sweeney Todd. I think Day-Lewis has this one nailed. And I would like to point out, again, that Johnny Depp and Sweeney Todd suck my balls.


Best Actress
I'm kind of torn when it comes to declaring Marion Cotillard as the winner here for La Vie en Rose. The Academy loves loves loves to reward actors for playing real people (see: Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line, Jamie Foxx for Ray, Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote, Nicole Kidman for The Hours, Cate Blanchett for The Aviator, just to name a few of the recent cases). While Julie Christie is her biggest threat, and delivered a very beautiful, subtle performance in Away From Her. BUT: Marion Cotillard is huge, brash, bold; she disappears and completely transforms into Edith Piaf, who, to many American movie-goers, is basically a fictional character. And it's also exciting to see an actress take home the American award for a foreign-language performance.


Best Supporting Actor
I only saw one of the nominated films in this category (well, one and a third if you consider that I'm forty-five minutes into The Assassination of Jesse James and, sure, Casey Affleck is pretty good). This one is another safe category, like Daniel Day-Lewis, Javier Bardem has this one in the bag. His portrayal of Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men was one of the most memorable of the year, and Bardem deserves all of the accolades he's received this year. It's been a while since a character made me so nervous, and Bardem's quiet, yet incredibly powerful, presence left me shaking after I saw the film (twice!).


Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett will win her second Oscar for her performance as the fictional Bob Dylan in I'm Not There. She was certainly impressive to watch, and as much as I loved the film, I'm happy to see it get some recognition (as it was way too polarizing to get any other nominations). This award, however, is too predictable (see above, when I talk about the Academy's love of caricature and impersonation). I would love to see Amy Ryan pick this one up for Gone Baby Gone; I feel like I was much more affected by her acting ability than I was with Blanchett's. (And, I might add, that it's a shame that Charlotte Gainsbourg has not been appropriately acknowledged for her role in I'm Not There, which was by far my favorite.)

Those are the big ones, and I'm not going to bore you (or myself) by writing about the rest of the categories in detail. I will say that I think Persepolis should win Best Animated Feature, if only to show that the category isn't actually Best Animated Feature That Pixar Released This Year, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

I'm sure you've been eagerly awating my Oscar nominations reaction post.

I used to get really excited about Oscar season because I was a big movie nerd when I was in high school. I actually would tape the press conference wherein the nominations were announced and watch it when I got home from school. One year, I won the Oscar pool at my local video store, and I got two free movie rentals every week for a year. (My parents blamed me for putting the video store out of business.)

Since college, however, I haven't been as excited. Sure, last year I won twenty bucks at an Oscar party, but I'm generally disappointed with both the nominees and the winners. Like most mainstream award shoes, the Oscars tend to shut-out independent offerings and hand out the top awards to fairly bland, crowd-pleasing films (I'm looking at you, Crash. And you, Chicago. And Gladiator. And Titanic. And Shakespeare in Love. And Forrest Gump. Etc.)

This year, however, I'm fairly excited. The best films of the year, There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men, tied for the most nominations. Of course, they will probably not win Best Picture (I've got a feeling they'll split the vote and it'll go to Atonement). I haven't seen Atonement, nor did I catch Michael Clayton during its brief theatrical run. I've got mixed feelings about Juno, and was going to wait for Netflix, but now I feel like I should give it a chance. And while Brittany is right, that it will most-likely win Best Original Screenplay despite the unrealistic dialogue, I'm already not as offended as I was about Little Miss Sunshine. (Don't get me started on that mess. It's NOT well-written, America.)

I share Adam's aggravation that Jonny Greenwood's score from There Will Be Blood was not nominated because it wasn't entirely scored for the film, but as I pointed out to him this morning, the nominated song from Once, "Falling Slowly," was released in 2006 on Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova's album, The Swell Season. Ah, well.

On a related note, I saw Persepolis last night, and it was stunning. If Pixar wasn't guaranteed an Oscar for everything they release, I would expect it to nab the award for Best Animated Feature.