I definitely hate you if you have both an iPhone and a Blackberry.

This is the first part of a series wherein I bitterly whine about how I can't afford stupid shit (because I go out for lunch and buy gin and tonics too often) and then project my self-hatred onto others.

I was riding the brown line home the other night instead of the red line. The brown line seems to have a different kind of people riding on it; in other words, there are more white people, which is not really a good think because they're all rich, young, sometimes attractive white people who live in Lincoln Park. And I don't like those people very much, because they are more apt to own Blackberries and iPhones.

I was standing across the train from this man in his late twenties who was wearing a leather blazer, which was offense number one. The second offensive thing about him was that he had a chin strap, which is the worst kind of facial hair (even worse than a soul patch). The only good thing about seeing a man with a chin strap is that it makes me realize that the guy is most likely insecure about his undefined jaw line, because men whose faces blend into their necks are more apt to grow skinny little beards to give the illusion of jaws and chins. This makes me feel better about my bone structure.

Anyway, the Dude in the leather blazer was fiddling with his iPhone, which was not particularly surprising. After he finished picking out whatever album he wanted to listen to, which quite possibly may have been this one or this one, he slipped it into the pocket on the inside of his blazer. And then what did he pull out of another pocket? A Blackberry. Chin Strap And Leather Blazer owns and carries both an iPhone and a Blackberry.

I hate him because he's both a walking cliche and a walking redundancy.