Okay, I lied.

Here's what my day has been like so far:

I woke up at 5:45 after very little sleep (I was up until around one) and a dream involving Matthew Broderick and me keeping our house protected from asylum escapees. After a brief moment where I contemplated calling in sick, I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed.

It was cold this morning. It's been in the fifties lately, but of course today was cold so I wore three shirts and conveniently forgot to put on deodorant. Great.

I got to work at 7:30, which will allow me to leave at 4:30 and still get eight hours (one hour of overtime! it's still depressing!). I sat here for about an hour and a half and decided that I really had to get a doughnut from downstairs or I'd die. I mean, I'm already dying, but I figured I could ward it off for a while by having some sugar. Luckily, Nail Clipper came by with TWO boxes of Dunkin Donuts, and I was really excited because it saved me eighty-one cents!

Then, as everyone lined up by my cube, I found out why he brought donuts. Nail Clipper's son (and our co-worker) got engaged last night. And then suddenly I was incredibly depressed again. I didn't want to hear about engagements, especially when they involve co-workers. I took two doughnuts, hoping the extra one would expedite my death by causing me to go into diabetic stroke.

Then Katy decided that she wanted the rumor to be that I was the one who got engaged last night after seeing Happy Feet, and when Maria asked Adam who the doughnuts were for, he played the Telephone Game and told her the revised rumor. Maria then ran out to my cubicle and said, "Tyler! You're engaged?!" Hilarity ensued.

All I want to do right now is wear my fun-pants (that's Christina's code word for front-butt sweatpants) and watch Match Game, which I bought on DVD this weekend. (I also bought Uncle Buck. I have a knack for spending too much money turning times of depression - Uncle Buck has been on HBO constantly, but I was determined to own it yesterday afternoon. Did I mention the new slip-on corduroy chucks I got yesterday?)

Speaking of Match Game, Christina sent me the following message on GChat: "Trendy Tyler was sooo trendy (HOW TRENDY WAS HE?!), he got his BLANK! cut." That was pretty much the highlight of my morning.

I think I need another doughnut.