Thursday, June 12, 2008

On Weddings.

I love weddings, at least in theory, since I've only been to two as an adult and wasn't of legal drinking age at the time. (Side note: This isn't related, but let me explain. Most people would let a twenty-year-old drink at an open-bar wedding. Unfortunately, I got in trouble at the last wedding because I was just a few months shy of my twenty-first birthday and had a friend get me a beer after I was refused. At the other wedding I was eventually goaded into drinking by the mother of the bride, although it wasn't until I was sure that the county sheriff had already left the reception.)

Anyway, I get jealous of people like Justin and Katy who seem to be going to weddings all the time. But then I realize that they went to a Catholic college, so they are obviously more likely to know people who get married at our age. My friends are all heathens who live in sin, if they even manage to keep a relationship going that long. (Seriously, friends! Get it together! There are ice cream makers and flatware in your future!)

Adam and Alissa are getting married in August, and it will honestly be the first fun wedding I will ever attend, since I'll be of legal age and my family won't be there. I don't have to worry about embarrassing myself in front of my mom - Adam and Alissa will have to hope I don't embarrass them in front of their moms!

Ever since they started planning the wedding, I tried to give them ideas on how to make it totally kick-ass, from a themed wedding (Cowboys and Indians! Pimps and 'hos!) to recreating the opening to the musical in The Muppets Take Manhattan. This is for my own entertainment, because it's not like I'm going to enjoy the food or anything.

I was talking to my friend Laurie today (happy birthday, by the way!), and she was telling me that she and her boyfriend have started thinking about a wedding next year. Immediately I said, "Oh my God, PLEASE HAVE IT IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG!!!" Not because either of us like Colonial Williamsburg - in fact, we both kind of despise it. I realized then that maybe because I'm not allowed to get married (and, let's face it, even if I was, who would I fool into entering into a legal contract with me?), I act out my aggressions by trying to imagine my friends' weddings turn into train wrecks for my own amusement.

But friends! Really, I'm sure I'll be totally happy for you or whatever, and I'll support you if you don't want to get married in costume or you allow children to come. If I dislike the person you're marrying, I'll politely keep it to myself (or at least only talk about you behind your back). But please, make sure Christina is also invited, because if she isn't you know she's going to just end up being my date (the idea of ever being at the wedding-date stage with someone I'm dating seems TERRIFYING and UNLIKELY). And can you do me a favor at and have something on the menu I like? Otherwise, I'll get really shitty at the open bar.

Adam once said that the wedding is really more for their friends than for family, which is a pretty good point. As the years go on and people end up hitched and have moved on, think of how often you're going to see them (if you don't immediately cut them all out of your life on the way to your honeymoon destination). You'll see your family every year at holidays, birthdays, and, eventually, other weddings. But your friends are the ones who you'll want to remember at your wedding at having had a great time - they're the ones who will actually be in the wedding, after all. So make sure they're the ones who have a good time. And by "they," I mean specifically me.


BG5000 said...

While I can't speak for Whit's mom, you'd have to do some pretty ridiculous shit to embarrass me in front of my mom. She's seen my friends and i in pretty bad shape too many times.

Also, we plan on inviting Christina, but only if she promises to make sure you eat before you show up.

Martha said...

Don't worry, even though I am living in sin I plan on getting married and inviting you. Hopefully in the next two years.

MaryStewartMasterson said...

Whoa Don't speak on my behalf, WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THAT WEDDING! Thanks a lot TYLER. Now I have to go ANNNNNNND be your keeper.



Katy said...

Can't you and Christina just get married? It'll be like one of those cute movies with Jennifer Aniston.

Gulf Shores beach weddings said...

A very funny article. You made me :)