I'm on the verge of doing something drastic.

Have you ever had one of those days where, in the first two hours, everything that could possibly go wrong did and by nine o'clock you wonder what other forms of Hell are headed your way? Well:

I woke up at 7:25.

My train lost power for fifteen minutes.

Someone got sick on the train.

After getting off the train, a woman literally ran into me as she sped toward the train to make it inside before the doors closed.

I got to work forty minutes late.

I opened my bag and discovered my pasta sauce leaked out of the fake Glad tupperware.

I am STILL AT THIS SHITHOLE PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT.

Aaaand segue:

Several months ago, when I first told my new boss that I didn't particularly like working here and wanted a new job that paid more, he told me, "Oh, well, how about we move you under a new manager? And I'll give you an office!" Well, the office thing was stupid because none of the managers even have offices, but I did want to be moved under new management because my manager at the time was driving me crazy. About a week later, he tells me that he decided to not give me an office or move me under a new manager. And so begins a load of broken promises.

He then told me that I should stick around because they were going to open a new position that would require more responsibility and a higher salary. It still wasn't thirty-thousand, but hey - it's still a promotion, right? So I asked my manager regularly when this job was getting posted so I could apply, and she just signed and complained that our boss, who is never here, had told her she had to write up the job description, even though that was his job. And in the meantime, I started applying to other places because I was becoming increasingly fed up with this place.

About a month ago my manager sent out an email to the entire office telling us the job had finally been posted and that we could apply for it if we wanted to. I asked my manager immediately who was the hiring manager, and she said she was, and that she'd start looking at resumes the following week.

I never heard anything about it after that, and I just assumed that they were taking their precious time as they do with everything else around here.

Yesterday, after our Halloween potluck, at which I listened to a temp tell everyone about the production of Godspell she's in for an hour, I got an email from our department's communication director. Usually I just delete them since it's usually news that I don't understand about people I don't know, but I actually skimmed it. And there I saw that one of my co-workers, who happens to be my manager's best friend, had received the promotion and was now the auditing coordinator.

And I'm still really, really pissed about this.

I know that they did not even conduct interviews for this position, because there is no reason why they wouldn't have spoken to me about it. I'm perfectly qualified for it, given the fact that my manager and my boss had both spoken to me about the job as some kind of incentive to stick around here. And it's possible that my co-worker is more qualified for it, since she's been here much longer than I have, but the point is that my manager gave her best friend a promotion and never announced that the position had been filled. I never received anything from HR saying I wasn't selected. All of this has been done almost secretly and I'm so fucking angry about that.

This was my last chance to move forward in this office. Now I'm still stuck in a sub-par entry-level position, making less than thirteen dollars an hour on a thirty-five hour work week. And I have a degree, whereas my newly promoted co-worker (as well as my manager) do not.

So after a miserable commute to work this morning, it took a lot of effort to not turn around and go back home. It's also taking a lot of effort (read: rational thought) to not tell my boss that I'm quitting this job immediately. Also, he's not here today anyway, and that's kind of preventing my resignation, as well.

Desperate times.

I had a generally good weekend. I saw the New Pornographers on Friday, which was the first show I'd seen since Magnolia Electric Co. in the end of August. I'd seen them three times already and, given my shitty mood on Friday, I wasn't too excited about the show. But Neko was there, as well as Dan Bejar, and they put on a really good performance. Also, I had four glasses of wine before I went, which will pretty much make me enjoy everything.

Other events from the weekend included more red wine, pumpkin-carving, making tarritos (my name for the big ass tacos I cooked on Saturday night), five hours of The Wire, and only eating out once, which helped me save some money. Save for the pain my neck (literally) on Saturday night that left me unable to move (it was either from the show or when I had to drag our grocery cart up two flights of stairs because Christina got a call from A BOY and ran off to take it, leaving me with heavy groceries), I was in good spirits for the whole of the weekend. So when it came to Sunday evening, a time I usually reserve for deep depression, I found I was still in a good mood. I blame the absence of spending money at bars and smoking a ton of cigarettes.

After I didn't get the job I wanted at Northwestern (again), I called my mom and talked to her for a long time about how annoyed and frustrated I am that I'm not getting anywhere and am stuck in this miserable job. I had already told myself that if I didn't find anything by December, I would take the GRE again and apply to grad school, possibly making plans to leave Chicago. I'm going to start looking at schools again, although I'll add UIC into the mix since it's generally affordable and I could stick around here. I like Chicago, and it's hard for me to imagine moving again.

I'm also on the verge of applying to the Gap because I'm desperate for more money. And I picked the Gap because I know people who work there. I know I'd hate it, and the prospect of working there just completes the maniacal, cyclical pattern of my life in Chicago. Let me tell you: there's nothing worse than having to be nice to people you hate because they're your customers. It becomes very difficult to avoid people in retail. And while the idea of seeing people I hate and wish to avoid during a shift at the Gap is incredibly disturbing, the fact remains that the people I hate and wish to avoid also check this blog. Constantly. So my insecurities are already out there. Besides, even I recognize that I somewhat consciously do things I know I'll hate because I can write about it later. At least I'd get paid for it at the same time.

Heads will roll.

When I logged into out system this morning, I was informed that I "owe" the school $1,753 for my class. Obviously I don't because I'm an employee and get free tuition, but this is just another example of how poorly run things are around here. I have to go make phone calls now to figure out who can fix this.

I've also started getting emails from students asking me about holds on their accounts. Terrific.

Meanwhile, this afternoon I have the first of two interviews this week at Northwestern. At least I get to have two half-days. I just hope I get at least one of those jobs.

Snot machine.

Here's the reason why I'm not sorry about calling in sick today, even though I felt kind of guilty about it this morning. (Why is it that I have tremendous guilt when I'm actually sick, but not when I'm just hungover?)

Burning bridges.

I'm in an unspoken fight with one of my temp agency recruiters. Basically, I don't like her very much because she's the one who told me my year's worth of office experience was for naught and that I should just give up my benefits and go back to temping. Her rationale was this: "It's summer! No one gets sick in the summer!" I wanted to shout, "But I'm depressed year-round! I then acted very unsatisfied when she called me about temp jobs that paid less than what I am making now. So, let's see, I should leave my shitty job to make less money and an equally shitty job so that I can hopefully be hired on full time after three miserable months of avoiding traffic and not being medicated? I don't think so.

It's weird, though; she's the only recruiter who still calls me randomly and I'm not sure why. I visited six agencies, and most of those bitches stopped calling me after two weeks. But Erica likes to keep in touch, even though she never offers me anything that I'd be remotely interested in. (Her last idea was in the admissions office of an "online" (read: fake) university. In the suburbs.)

I've tried to shake her and I think I finally did it. She emailed me those computer skills assessment tests about a month ago, and I told her that I'd find time to complete them, knowing full well that I had no intention of doing so. I have a Mac and can't load the program at home, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste my time at work playing around on Excel for a half-hour. That's a whole episode of The Hills I could be watching!

Then she called me last Thursday, but I was hating life and did not want to entertain the idea of temping, so I didn't call her back until yesterday morning. And now Erica hasn't returned my phone call, which in theory should be perfectly fine but in reality pisses me off to no end. She thinks she can ignore me?

In other work news: I have another friend whose job makes me insanely jealous:

I want to be an astronaut.

Because I've been feeling tops lately, and because I'm out of ideas, the job search is rather stagnant right now. That does not mean, however, that my current job has been less ass-rapey. In fact, we have a ton of work to do right now as we are receiving loads of final high school transcripts for all the incoming freshmen and we're a few days behind. And it's not helping that I'm spending hours on YouTube. But honestly, I realized that there's absolutely no reason for me to put forth any more effort than I have to, because after that whole Vincentian mission of giving education to everyone, etc., there's an unwritten rule that we do that by keeping the bar pretty low. I'm not just saying this based on my office, which is abysmal and poorly managed. I'm also talking about the other administrative offices I've dealt with. And even the students. And the faculty.

But, I'm a hypocrite because if they paid me more, I'd look past all of that. I'm incredibly ready to sell out. But, frankly, my forty nine cent raise did not exactly blow my mind.

Also, I realize that I won't find a job with such a relaxed attitude. Such is the benefits of working with high school graduates. If I don't have the energy to put on socks and shoes in the morning, no one is going to bitch at me for wearing flip-flops.

This morning my boss / "King of the Remote"* stopped by my cubicle. He asked me how things at home were, and I gave him the updates about my dad. Then he asked how the job search was going, and I told him, "Eh, it's not really." I talked about the jobs HERE that I had applied for / did not get, and he asked, again, what my salary expectations were. I told him "around thirty thousand," because THAT'S SO MUCH MONEY TO ME, and he said, "Well, you should stick around. There'll be some exciting changes around here."

I'd be excited about the prospect if I wasn't led to believe that I'd have this exciting promotion already, like it was hinted back in March.

I should get back to my crossword now.




*I've been wanting to mention this for so long. The man has a picture frame that says "King of the Remote" and it still has the picture that came in the frame. It's of dolphins. And I think it's amazing.

This is someone's idea of motivation.

I got the following email this morning:

Dear John, [ugh]

Save the Date!

The Office of Mission and Values invites you to "Shake Your Groove Thing" with your colleagues at the "Disco Inferno" university picnic.

I suppose this means I can't get a new job until the 28th, because there is no way I'm going to miss out on free alcohol. Although do I want to risk "shaking my groove thing" in front of my coworkers? It's a scary thought.

Also, my boss came to work today after a three-week absence. I asked my manager where he was, and she said, "Well, his cousin passed and the funeral was over the weekend. And before that he was helping with the arrangements. And before that, I'm not sure." I feel kind of guilty, knowing now that he was out for a funeral. And all this time I assumed he was just taking some deserved time off from his busy schedule of only coming to work three days a week.

Lunchtime Poll: Tell me about your co-workers.

I didn't forget to post a poll topic yesterday. The truth is that I couldn't think of anything to ask about. Well, anything other than, "What should I do with my life?" No one seems to be interested in answering that one for me, so I figured I'd give you guys a break.

Anyway, this one comes from Megan and her office mates, who had the following conundrum:

Who pisses you off more - the people you work for, or the people you work with?

I really hope Megan's co-workers get the opportunity to leave a few comments, too, but leaving Megan's name out of it, of course.