Monday, July 09, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
An excerpt from a GChat conversation.
I love my friend Erin because she has the best way of rationalizing life. For example, this is something she just told me, and it makes absolute sense that this is how she decides how she'd be attracted to someone.
Obvs.
"He's someone I'd make-out with when he was sweaty and smelled like beer, but I couldn't take him seriously sitting on a porch at sunset drinking lemonade."
Obvs.
Movin' on up.
I'm moving out of my apartment building in two weeks, so I feel like it's pretty safe for me to write about how it's a really weird place to live. Granted, I picked this place because I was lazy, it was cheap as hell, and the leasing agency did not require a security deposit. I can't really complain so much, I suppose, since it's been a generally fine place to live, even if the bitches next door scream really loudly at the end of every episode of America's Next Top Model.
The thing about the building is that it kind of resembles the Overlook Hotel, so much so that every time I get off the elevator and turn the corner to head down the hall to my apartment, I expect to find this:
The building is also filled with other people like me: young, post-graduates who get drunk a lot. Unfortunately, these are the kind of douchey post-graduates who think they can get by with saying they live in Lincoln Park simply because our landlords use the park in their company's name. We're not in Lincoln Park, however, since we're just north of Diversey Boulevard (which, if you're not familiar with Chicago neighborhoods, is the border between the fake-Bourgeois Lincoln Park and the fake-fake-Bourgeois Lakeview).
Because everyone in the building (save for the French-American couple with the toddler) is so young, my building is also kind of like a dorm. Especially since one of my neighbors started a Facebook group, which I joined as a joke (with myself, of course). I'm not exactly sure what the motivation for the group was - probably just an excuse for Some Dude to be a member of another Facebook group - but it's pretty ridiculous, especially since nearly everyone in it have private profiles, thus restricting my stalking abilities of the people I don't particularly want to be friends with anyway. Also, there is the wall:
I miss those kids already.
The thing about the building is that it kind of resembles the Overlook Hotel, so much so that every time I get off the elevator and turn the corner to head down the hall to my apartment, I expect to find this:
The building is also filled with other people like me: young, post-graduates who get drunk a lot. Unfortunately, these are the kind of douchey post-graduates who think they can get by with saying they live in Lincoln Park simply because our landlords use the park in their company's name. We're not in Lincoln Park, however, since we're just north of Diversey Boulevard (which, if you're not familiar with Chicago neighborhoods, is the border between the fake-Bourgeois Lincoln Park and the fake-fake-Bourgeois Lakeview).
Because everyone in the building (save for the French-American couple with the toddler) is so young, my building is also kind of like a dorm. Especially since one of my neighbors started a Facebook group, which I joined as a joke (with myself, of course). I'm not exactly sure what the motivation for the group was - probably just an excuse for Some Dude to be a member of another Facebook group - but it's pretty ridiculous, especially since nearly everyone in it have private profiles, thus restricting my stalking abilities of the people I don't particularly want to be friends with anyway. Also, there is the wall:
I miss those kids already.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Mr. Rogers fucked me up.
Great! I can now add Mr. Rogers to the list of people who I blame for making me into the shitty human being I am today!
According to an article in today's Wall Street Journal, Mr. Rogers is now being re-evaluated as being potentially damaging to my generation because he repeatedly told us that we're "special, just the way we are."
Don Chance, a professor at Louisiana State University, claims that Mr. Rogers is "representative of a culture of excessive doting."
I'm just glad it's not my fault!
Related: Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled [WSJ]
According to an article in today's Wall Street Journal, Mr. Rogers is now being re-evaluated as being potentially damaging to my generation because he repeatedly told us that we're "special, just the way we are."
Don Chance, a professor at Louisiana State University, claims that Mr. Rogers is "representative of a culture of excessive doting."
I'm just glad it's not my fault!
Related: Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled [WSJ]
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
It's time to get real, for realsies.
I was going to write a post this afternoon about how I decided today that I need to cut down on my drinking. And then I checked my SiteMeter and found that someone in Chicago found this site by Googling, "Tyler [Redacted] is a drunk." Even though it's most likely someone I know trying to fuck with my head, it pretty much solidified my decision.
I'm not giving up alcohol because I feel like I'm an alcoholic or anything. My major reason is that I've been spending and ungodly amount of money lately on booze. And I've been going out on weekdays and not getting any sleep. Also, I've been making bad choices.
I've been going out and dancing, which has been great because dancing puts me in an excellent mood. The problem, however, is that dancing is usually coupled with heavy drinking. At this point I've stopped wearing my glasses because I have a history of shaking my head so much they fly off of my face. (This is probably an example of treating a symptom instead of the disease.) And, let's face it: when I get drunk and start dancing, I inevitably find myself in a makey-outy kinda mood. And I've made out with someone three out of the five times I've been dancing in the last two weeks. This is all fun and games at the time, of course, because kissing is fun! And I like feeling attractive, which heretofore hasn't really happened to me. I still kind of freak out if someone calls me "cute" or "hot," because I've never had anyone call me that, and I'm not exactly sure what changed. (Definitely not my arms! Or my FACE.)
And last night I made a mistake by making out with someone whom a friend was interested in. Things are kind of hazy, but I believe I said, "Bros before hos!" But after I was making flirty eyes and getting flirty eyes back, I said in my head: "Hos! Hos!" And while dancing with Flirty Eyes, I saw my friends leaving without saying goodbye. And I'm new to the whole meeting people in bars and making out with them thing, but I'm fairly certain that the people with whom you came to the bar don't just leave you there. And I immediately felt awful, knowing that I'd rather be hanging out with the people I know I like than making-out with someone I don't know.
I've felt kind of shitty all day because of last night (and my hangover) and I've been doing a lot of thinking, trying to figure out why, all of a sudden, I've become this selfish person who keeps treating people horribly. I've been fucked-over so many times in my life, and I know how shitty that feels. And I HATE myself for being so selfish. I'm not the type of person who can just live my life without a thought of how my actions affect make the people I with whom I surround myself (and these are people I honestly and truly care for and consider friends). And I feel awful because I'm already in a sort-of undefined relationship that's based mostly on drinking, making-out, and GChat. And I feel like I'm the one who has to come up with these definitions, and that freaks me out. The only real decisions I can make right now are what kind of gin I want mixed with tonic (well gin) and what kind of beer I'm going to order (whatever is two dollars, which usually turns out to be Bud or Miller Lite).
And (I hate to do this, but all roads seem to lead back here lately because I'm obviously not over that mess) I keep thinking about the Ex and how fucked up that whole situation made, and still makes, me feel. I keep remember things and realizing that I made the right decision by cutting it from my life completely. But I keep thinking that I'm becoming just as selfish and, well, mean. I was so frustrated about how things were undefined for so long, and how I was led-on and lied to prevent my feelings from being hurt. Yet I find myself doing that now in similar situations, and it pisses me off. It really pisses me off that I keep finding myself unable to make decisions instead of just saying how I feel. It's a confusing time for me, and I think I've been drinking so much because I can just forget everything that I'm so concerned about for a few hours. And that's not a good plan.
My plan for the weekend, so far, is this: Justin and Katy are going out of town and leaving me in charge of feeding their cat for a week, and I'm going to just move into their apartment for a weekend and cut everything out for a while. I'll be in Edgewater instead of Lakeview and won't have the convenience of my local and regular haunts being walking-distance from me. And I plan to just relax by myself for a bit. I want to finish The Secret History and finally watch Oldboy, which I've had from Netflix since May 15th. I need the time away from other people and situations that get me into trouble - or at least make me feel less about myself. Hopefully it'll do me some good and I can figure out somethings. And at worst it just means I'll spend a lot of time with a cute kitten, taking pictures and adding captions for my LOLcats collection.
I'm not giving up alcohol because I feel like I'm an alcoholic or anything. My major reason is that I've been spending and ungodly amount of money lately on booze. And I've been going out on weekdays and not getting any sleep. Also, I've been making bad choices.
I've been going out and dancing, which has been great because dancing puts me in an excellent mood. The problem, however, is that dancing is usually coupled with heavy drinking. At this point I've stopped wearing my glasses because I have a history of shaking my head so much they fly off of my face. (This is probably an example of treating a symptom instead of the disease.) And, let's face it: when I get drunk and start dancing, I inevitably find myself in a makey-outy kinda mood. And I've made out with someone three out of the five times I've been dancing in the last two weeks. This is all fun and games at the time, of course, because kissing is fun! And I like feeling attractive, which heretofore hasn't really happened to me. I still kind of freak out if someone calls me "cute" or "hot," because I've never had anyone call me that, and I'm not exactly sure what changed. (Definitely not my arms! Or my FACE.)
And last night I made a mistake by making out with someone whom a friend was interested in. Things are kind of hazy, but I believe I said, "Bros before hos!" But after I was making flirty eyes and getting flirty eyes back, I said in my head: "Hos! Hos!" And while dancing with Flirty Eyes, I saw my friends leaving without saying goodbye. And I'm new to the whole meeting people in bars and making out with them thing, but I'm fairly certain that the people with whom you came to the bar don't just leave you there. And I immediately felt awful, knowing that I'd rather be hanging out with the people I know I like than making-out with someone I don't know.
I've felt kind of shitty all day because of last night (and my hangover) and I've been doing a lot of thinking, trying to figure out why, all of a sudden, I've become this selfish person who keeps treating people horribly. I've been fucked-over so many times in my life, and I know how shitty that feels. And I HATE myself for being so selfish. I'm not the type of person who can just live my life without a thought of how my actions affect make the people I with whom I surround myself (and these are people I honestly and truly care for and consider friends). And I feel awful because I'm already in a sort-of undefined relationship that's based mostly on drinking, making-out, and GChat. And I feel like I'm the one who has to come up with these definitions, and that freaks me out. The only real decisions I can make right now are what kind of gin I want mixed with tonic (well gin) and what kind of beer I'm going to order (whatever is two dollars, which usually turns out to be Bud or Miller Lite).
And (I hate to do this, but all roads seem to lead back here lately because I'm obviously not over that mess) I keep thinking about the Ex and how fucked up that whole situation made, and still makes, me feel. I keep remember things and realizing that I made the right decision by cutting it from my life completely. But I keep thinking that I'm becoming just as selfish and, well, mean. I was so frustrated about how things were undefined for so long, and how I was led-on and lied to prevent my feelings from being hurt. Yet I find myself doing that now in similar situations, and it pisses me off. It really pisses me off that I keep finding myself unable to make decisions instead of just saying how I feel. It's a confusing time for me, and I think I've been drinking so much because I can just forget everything that I'm so concerned about for a few hours. And that's not a good plan.
My plan for the weekend, so far, is this: Justin and Katy are going out of town and leaving me in charge of feeding their cat for a week, and I'm going to just move into their apartment for a weekend and cut everything out for a while. I'll be in Edgewater instead of Lakeview and won't have the convenience of my local and regular haunts being walking-distance from me. And I plan to just relax by myself for a bit. I want to finish The Secret History and finally watch Oldboy, which I've had from Netflix since May 15th. I need the time away from other people and situations that get me into trouble - or at least make me feel less about myself. Hopefully it'll do me some good and I can figure out somethings. And at worst it just means I'll spend a lot of time with a cute kitten, taking pictures and adding captions for my LOLcats collection.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
A quick rant and I'll get back to the YouTubes.
I don't like to get extremely political with this blog. I'd much rather alienate my readers with bad YouTube videos and dick jokes and dash my own hopes of getting a better job by admitting that I don't do that much work at my current one. And, as I've been told before, I don't particularly care about "important issues," but every now and then Gawker will touch on something that doesn't have to do with Salman Rushdie's impending divorce, and it makes me have a serious thought or two. Get ready for my opinion!
So, Scooter Libby is not going to jail for being the guy who took the fall for exposing a CIA agent whose husband refused to lie about Iraq buying uranium from Nigeria in order to start a war. And no one should really surprised because he wasn't on trial for the leak that put a CIA agent's life at risk. Rather, he was on trial for perjury and obstruction of justice, which seem like code for "what can we pin this guy with so people will stop paying attention to our fuck ups?"
And the moral of the story? I don't know, really, it's complicated. I mean, it kind of reminds me, yet again, why I stopped following politics in the first place. When I was in high school and my early years of college, I used to get so fucking upset about political issues. I would fight with my father about gun control and how shitty Bush was, and it didn't solve anything. Instead it just made us more angry at each other and what was going on. And that's why I stopped paying attention: I have too much stuff going on in my life that I have some sort of CONTROL over to sit around and bitch about Iraq. I can't do anything about Iraq, and even if I thought I could, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. Libby's commutation is another example about how this administration (and really, EVERY SINGLE presidential administration - Republican and Democrat) is going to do whatever the fuck they want to anyway, because people are stupid enough to keep supporting them. And also, they've got the power and can use it. And that's really what it comes down to.
And please, I know how ironic it is for me to say that just bitching about this stuff isn't going to do anything, because I am, essentially, bitching about it. But really, I'm so sick of people putting bumper stickers on their cars and and joining Facebook groups and going around and shouting about Global Warming because our generation has finally found a cause they think they can change. Look at the youth generations before us. Look at the goddamn '60s, for example. You had all of these people who protested against a war that lasted FOREVER, in the hopes to stop it and make sure something like that didn't happen again. And it STILL went on and it happened AGAIN! And what's worse, you look at some of those people now and see how they are just as ridiculous as the people they were protesting against. John Kerry! He became a fucking politician who was exactly like every other fucking politician. Look at Dennis Hopper, who wrote and directed the film that became a symbol of the '60s counter-culture. HE'S A BUSH SUPPORTER.
I mean, we're living in an age where people are trying to tell us that if we buy cute t-shirts, we'll help AIDS victims in Africa. Because we're living in an age where we need to be immediately rewarded for doing good things, as well as have some sort of object to say to other people, "Look at me and how good I am."
Basically, I'm sick of the fad that is political "awareness."
KTHXBYE.
Related: Make Your Voice Ignored. [Wonkette]
Monday, July 02, 2007
I want to be an astronaut.
Because I've been feeling tops lately, and because I'm out of ideas, the job search is rather stagnant right now. That does not mean, however, that my current job has been less ass-rapey. In fact, we have a ton of work to do right now as we are receiving loads of final high school transcripts for all the incoming freshmen and we're a few days behind. And it's not helping that I'm spending hours on YouTube. But honestly, I realized that there's absolutely no reason for me to put forth any more effort than I have to, because after that whole Vincentian mission of giving education to everyone, etc., there's an unwritten rule that we do that by keeping the bar pretty low. I'm not just saying this based on my office, which is abysmal and poorly managed. I'm also talking about the other administrative offices I've dealt with. And even the students. And the faculty.
But, I'm a hypocrite because if they paid me more, I'd look past all of that. I'm incredibly ready to sell out. But, frankly, my forty nine cent raise did not exactly blow my mind.
Also, I realize that I won't find a job with such a relaxed attitude. Such is the benefits of working with high school graduates. If I don't have the energy to put on socks and shoes in the morning, no one is going to bitch at me for wearing flip-flops.
This morning my boss / "King of the Remote"* stopped by my cubicle. He asked me how things at home were, and I gave him the updates about my dad. Then he asked how the job search was going, and I told him, "Eh, it's not really." I talked about the jobs HERE that I had applied for / did not get, and he asked, again, what my salary expectations were. I told him "around thirty thousand," because THAT'S SO MUCH MONEY TO ME, and he said, "Well, you should stick around. There'll be some exciting changes around here."
I'd be excited about the prospect if I wasn't led to believe that I'd have this exciting promotion already, like it was hinted back in March.
I should get back to my crossword now.
*I've been wanting to mention this for so long. The man has a picture frame that says "King of the Remote" and it still has the picture that came in the frame. It's of dolphins. And I think it's amazing.
But, I'm a hypocrite because if they paid me more, I'd look past all of that. I'm incredibly ready to sell out. But, frankly, my forty nine cent raise did not exactly blow my mind.
Also, I realize that I won't find a job with such a relaxed attitude. Such is the benefits of working with high school graduates. If I don't have the energy to put on socks and shoes in the morning, no one is going to bitch at me for wearing flip-flops.
This morning my boss / "King of the Remote"* stopped by my cubicle. He asked me how things at home were, and I gave him the updates about my dad. Then he asked how the job search was going, and I told him, "Eh, it's not really." I talked about the jobs HERE that I had applied for / did not get, and he asked, again, what my salary expectations were. I told him "around thirty thousand," because THAT'S SO MUCH MONEY TO ME, and he said, "Well, you should stick around. There'll be some exciting changes around here."
I'd be excited about the prospect if I wasn't led to believe that I'd have this exciting promotion already, like it was hinted back in March.
I should get back to my crossword now.
*I've been wanting to mention this for so long. The man has a picture frame that says "King of the Remote" and it still has the picture that came in the frame. It's of dolphins. And I think it's amazing.
Joo-ly! Sumratime!
I'm too exhausted to not write random things this morning.
1. I've been in really great spirits lately, and I credit all of the dancing I've been doing as the cause. It reminds me the second semester of junior year when I went out every single weekend to dance parties and how happy I was. I also got Dean's List that semester. Dancing makes you smart.
2. My BFF from high school, Heather, moved here on Saturday and I'm super duper excited. She's living a block from my new apt! And she's already been up for going out, which is great! Last night she and her roommate met me and friends John and Leah at Smartbar. It was empty and we were the only people dancing, but it was still tons of fun. And it was nice to be able to go out knowing that I won't have to run into people I'd rather avoid seeing.
3. I'm getting more and more excited about Pitchfork, even if Cat Power and Girl Talk overlap (it's going to be a tough decision). I've been listening to Daydream Nation and it's growing on me, and I'm working on Spiderland. And I still don't care about Yoko Ono, even if it's a given that Chan Marshall will sing with her. If John Lennon showed up, I might be interested.
4. My Day-Day's birthday was on Saturday (57!) and my mom got him an iPod shuffle, which makes no sense at all. They've already called me once because they didn't understand how to load music on it.
5. I watched West Side Story over the weekend. I rented it years ago but only made it through the first five minutes before deciding that ballet-dancing gang warfare was NOT cool. It turns out that if you make it through the first sequence, it's actually really good. It's so well-made and so 1960s. I wasn't even offended that Natalie Wood was in Hispanic-face. It did bother me, however, that three different people sang as Anita.
6. I'm kind of obsessed with this video right now:
1. I've been in really great spirits lately, and I credit all of the dancing I've been doing as the cause. It reminds me the second semester of junior year when I went out every single weekend to dance parties and how happy I was. I also got Dean's List that semester. Dancing makes you smart.
2. My BFF from high school, Heather, moved here on Saturday and I'm super duper excited. She's living a block from my new apt! And she's already been up for going out, which is great! Last night she and her roommate met me and friends John and Leah at Smartbar. It was empty and we were the only people dancing, but it was still tons of fun. And it was nice to be able to go out knowing that I won't have to run into people I'd rather avoid seeing.
3. I'm getting more and more excited about Pitchfork, even if Cat Power and Girl Talk overlap (it's going to be a tough decision). I've been listening to Daydream Nation and it's growing on me, and I'm working on Spiderland. And I still don't care about Yoko Ono, even if it's a given that Chan Marshall will sing with her. If John Lennon showed up, I might be interested.
4. My Day-Day's birthday was on Saturday (57!) and my mom got him an iPod shuffle, which makes no sense at all. They've already called me once because they didn't understand how to load music on it.
5. I watched West Side Story over the weekend. I rented it years ago but only made it through the first five minutes before deciding that ballet-dancing gang warfare was NOT cool. It turns out that if you make it through the first sequence, it's actually really good. It's so well-made and so 1960s. I wasn't even offended that Natalie Wood was in Hispanic-face. It did bother me, however, that three different people sang as Anita.
6. I'm kind of obsessed with this video right now:
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