Monday, February 06, 2006


Well, today was my first day of long-term, full-time work.


It was about what I expected. The three of us sat at a desk and basically filed for a while because we didn't have any DePaul security passes or online accounts yet. We had to go through thousands of loose files that made up parts of undergraduate applications. It made me so thankful I wasn't applying to college again. I was about to have a panic-attack-flashback to senior year of high school. It was nice to know that my life is much better five years later.

Also, I got to read some of the personal statements, letters of recommendation, SAT scores, and high school transcripts. You would not believe the DUMBASSES who apply to college. Seriously. Dumb asses. I wanted to call these kids and ask, "Hey, do you honestly expect to get into a college with a 1.89 GPA? If you failed Algebra II three times, you probably should avoid college." I have no idea what DePaul's reputation is, but it's hard to believe that these people can get into college.

Also, every letter of recommendation is exactly the same. The only way to distinguish them is by how poorly- or well-written they are. Honestly, how did some of these people become teachers? "I am writing on behalf of Kate Blahdiddyblah's application. It's such a pleasure to write this letter for Kate. Kate is such a hard worker. Kate works really hard at school. Kate is quiet in class but she's really smart. And a hard worker. Kate was even the president of the math club!"

We're not supposed to be doing this full-time. Eventually we're going to start updating Excel spreadsheets with information about what courses at other colleges will transfer to DePaul. Or something.

There are two other guys, although one of them left for lunch and didn't come back. I'm not sure what happened to him. The other one is... Well, let's just say I have this great luck where I always have at least one asshole in my life. Thankfully, he's my coworker. I shouldn't go into details for that reason.*

I ate at Chipotle for the first time during my lunch break and it was intense. My other random story from the day is that I think my red line train passed the Chicago heap of burning tires on the way home. Smelly train.

Also, Nicole found this kid on MySpace and I'm totally going to request friendship.

* That's a lie. Here are two exchanges I had with this dude:
Him: "So why do you want to go to Ole Miss?"
Me: "Well, I want to study Southern lit, and Oxford is the hometown of Faulkner and John Grisham pumps a lot of money into the school..."
Him: "Hmm, Faulkner. I tried reading The Sound and the Fury and I just couldn't get into it. I mean, it wasn't beyond my mental capabilities, but I just couldn't dig it."

Him: "Hey, you were an English major - do you have a book recommendation?"
Me: "Uh, I'm reading One Hundred Years of Solitude right now, it's pretty good..."
Him: "I've heard of that. I'm a big fan of... Have you heard of the band Tool? They have this list of books on their website and that's on it. I thought about reading it once."


MonoCerdo said...

Hey! I'm a big fan of "..." too! And Tool! I have TOTALLY HEARD OF that band! Your coworker and I would be great friends, I'm sure.

Sara said...

At least he's trying to make conversation...

EQ said...

Wait, wait, wait... let me get this straight, Tyler. You JUST had Chipotle for the first time?

I realize Chipotle is SO not the point of your post, but really? First time? First time EVAH? How are you still standing? Wasn't it mind-blowingly, knees-weakeningly awesome?

Also, re: the point of your post: Hold on to the app sorting gig as long as possible. Making fun of stupid people is much more fun than anything involving Excel.

David said...

Don't knock Tool too badly: they collaborated with the Brothers Quay. The Brothers Quay! The best, indeed the only, reason to go see the Saatchi Gallery in London.

eq - At least in Excel you can create macros and other automations. Can't really automate shuffling papers.

Tyler said...

eq: Chipotle was scary, and I wish they didn't use big chunks of lettuce in their tacos. Also, it was really expensive.

david: I don't even know what macros and automations are. I like filing.

EQ said...

Expensive schmexpensive. You're a workin' man now, right? And the secret to Chipotle is being specific as to how much of everything you want. I've done extensive research, and I'm pretty sure that "a little" and "a lot" mean the same thing to every person in every prep line at every Chipotle. Maybe that's a "macro"?