Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I'm the dumb one, obviously. I can't even make coffee.

I learned yesterday why I can never do drugs.

I've started to drink coffee in the mornings since I have to be awake before noon and stay awake all day at work. Janna just got a new coffee maker for her birthday, so I was excited about being able to make it at home instead of paying two dollars every morning at Julius Meinl.

Let's just say I really don't know how to make coffee, and I realized this yesterday when I made the strongest coffee ever. And then had two cups of it.

I get to work and start the actual data-entry part of the job where I'm looking up people on PeopleSoft and adding documents to their applications. I realize that not only do I not know what the hell I'm doing (my boss trained me on PeopleSoft in about an hour on Friday and I quickly forgot everything), but I'm also high as a goddamn kite on caffeine. I'm all shakey and jittery and I can't keep still. My stomach feels weird and I'm freaking out.

This feeling lasts until midnight.

Long story short, I'll never do any major drugs because caffeine will fuck me up.

Also, I had the craziest train ride home where another woman's nervous breakdown almost resulted in my own. I considered writing a missed connection about it, but Christina said it was mean. Here's what I was going to write:

I was sitting across from you on the first train this afternoon on the red line. You stared at me for most of the way, occasionally taking sips from a paper bag-wrapped bottle. You were in your late forties, dirty blonde hair (with actual dirt!), bloodshot eyes. You were even wearing a hat that had the same navy blue and baby blue pattern as mine. When we got to Fullerton, you started crying and talking to yourself while continuing to stare at me. I missed what you were saying as I was busying listening to my iPod and trying to avoid eye contact with you. Was it just me, or did we have a connection?

In other news, my brother found out that he got 1850 on the SAT. Keep in mind that the SAT is out of 2400 now. And that's really good. If you take away his writing score, he got a 1240. On his first try. My brother is the smart one. I didn't break 1200 on my third try.

Maybe he can write my grad school recommendations.

6 comments:

MonoCerdo said...

Uh, I think we're doing the same job, what with the PeopleSoft and the application documents, except I'm not at DePaul and you're probably making more per hour.

Also, you're no weakling. Coffee is some serious shit.

monocerdo said...

Also, regarding the coffee, have you already read this:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2004/12/31friedman.html

Christina said...

What if you looked just like that woman's dead son, who died in a tragic accident, and she was drinking because it was the aniversary of his death, and to make matters worse, her dead son's doppleganger was across from her on a train. Ass.

meg said...

we come from the same school of coffee.

mine has been called "coffee of death." i'm glad you finally picked up the habit though.

Shaun said...

Coffee will be the last legal drug. I suggest you try a gateway drink like tea.

Doug said...

Dude. Missed Connection. Ignore Christina. Do it.