Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Look on up at the bottom.

I deleted my last post because I realize that I probably shouldn't make fun of someone on my blog when it is very easy to find my site by Googling the phrase on my shirt. I realized that I was again a jerky jerk and that I'd feel bad if someone had written mean things about me in their blog.

Lately I've been all up and down. I've been trying to in vain to keep calm about everything that's going on, ranging from the stuff at home to the new apartment to my class. I've been like this emotional freight train that's about to jump its tracks. And not in the cute, Kasey Chambers kind of way (if you haven't heard "Freight Train" by Kasey Chambers, you must, because it'll blow you away and it's one of my favorite songs ever so I can vouch for it). No, more like freight train of evil. I've yelled at friends about Angelina Jolie and ignored phone calls from college friends who were visiting Chicago, which really exceeds the levels of normal assholery that I'm used to. I'm trying to make an effort to not be a jerk, but I feel like I'm failing.

I'm leaving work early this afternoon to go talk to my professor because I'm concerned about this class. It's really too big for a creative writing course (there are about twenty people), so we don't even get to everyone's poems. This sucks because if I don't get feedback on my poem, I don't know what I can do to avoid the mistakes that I know I'm making. I was really frustrated about this last night because I had a very vague assignment for my poem that's due tonight. The professor is one of those guys who "rarely gives As", as if doing so somehow cheapens the grade and he feels that only two or three in the class could possibly deserve one. I don't know if he thinks that by telling us that we'll suddenly become super motivated to succeed. That doesn't work with me. It just makes me not care.

I'm not at JMU anymore, though, and there's absolutely no reason I can't get an A in a 200-level general creative writing course that I'm taking for fun. So I'm going to ask him tonight what I can do to get my A. Because I'm going to get one. I'm not going to send a transcript to grad schools and have them see that I got a B in a summer creative writing course. They're not going to say, "Well, maybe the professor was one of those professors," because they're not going to care. They're going to see the B and think that I'm too lazy to work for an A. And I'm not. Not anymore.

I'm going to try to focus on the positive for the rest of the week. I think obtaining the soundtrack to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls will help me do that. Seriously. It's my happening and it freaks me out.

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