1. Very Drunk Girl on the El who asked me if I had a fire crotch.
2. Paying a five-dollar cover charge to get into “Finn McCool’s.”
3. Paying an extra five dollars for a Blue Moon.
4. Switching to Bud Lite because it was “cheap” (in other words, less than five dollars).
5. Hitting Nicole’s boyfriend’s friend in the head with the back of my head while telling a story.
6. Having two girls at the bar say to me, “Who do you look like?! Come on! You know who it is,” and having to reply with, “Have you seen Rent?”
7. Seeing many chubby women get up on the stage to pole dance and show off their thongs for free shots.
8. Seeing a girl from my creative writing class who apologized for being so drunk, to which I replied, “It’s fine because I’ll probably never see you again.”
9. Doing my interpretive dances to “Let’s Get It Started.”
10. Having my glasses fly off my face during said interpretive dancing.
11. Hitting the poor girl who was trying to sell test-tube shots in the head with the back of my head during my celebratory interpretive dance concerning the recovery of my glasses.
It’s because of nights like Saturday that I’ve been hungover for all of 2006.