My interview yesterday was not two hours, thankfully. In fact, I was there for about forty-five minutes, and that includes the time spent filling out my application and taking brief paper quizzes on homonyms and spelling. (Apparently their online system was down, so I was unable to take the assessment test.) The interview was fine, I suppose, although I can never actually tell, since I've never actually gotten a job that I had to interview for. I said the same old thing: what I did, how I handled myself when faced with angry customers or coworkers, how I manage numerous projects at once. And, again, I feel like there's no reason I shouldn't get the job unless the other applicants are better interviewers.
The thing is, however, that I felt oddly uncomfortable there, as if I just did not belong. It was probably because of seeing, as I immediately walked into the office, huge plate-glass windows separating the lobby from a board room, where a group of business men in suits and ties sat, looking out over the north Chicago skyline. It was an impressive image, and I felt so fucking young and ridiculous in my Gap khakis, H&M shirt, and the tie I bought at TJ Maxx for thirteen dollars. I felt so out of place, and it put me ill at ease, which I'm sure showed during the interview.
But, honestly, no matter how hard I try to picture myself in such an atmosphere, I can't seem to make it happen. I don't see myself working at a financial firm, no matter how much I wish I could make the salary one would in such a position. I'm obviously more of a non-profit kind of person; I'm not interested in business or corporate practices, and I don't want to work someplace where people would look first at my clothes and then at my job performance. And that's frustrating, because I know I could do anything, but I don't want to do anything. I'm still not sure of what I want to do, if I want to stay in Chicago and work someplace and make lots of money so I can buy shit, or if I just want to go back to school for the next several years, which would prevent me from starting a real career until I'm in my thirties. That prospect is terrifying, but I'm not sure yet if it's scarier than trying to fit in someplace that already makes me uncomfortable.
I called my recruiter today and told her that I thought everything went okay, but that I was never really sure (which is true). She said that she was expecting to hear something by this afternoon, and she'd give me a call as soon as she talked to the company.
Having said all of that, I will take the position if they offer it to me. It'd be silly to turn it down because, honestly, I feel uncomfortable in the majority of settings I find myself in, even school. So all of the stuff above was most likely me being self-conscious about my awkwardness, which I think at times is not as apparent as I like to think it is.