Thursday, October 04, 2007

Post-interview ennui.

My interview yesterday was not two hours, thankfully. In fact, I was there for about forty-five minutes, and that includes the time spent filling out my application and taking brief paper quizzes on homonyms and spelling. (Apparently their online system was down, so I was unable to take the assessment test.) The interview was fine, I suppose, although I can never actually tell, since I've never actually gotten a job that I had to interview for. I said the same old thing: what I did, how I handled myself when faced with angry customers or coworkers, how I manage numerous projects at once. And, again, I feel like there's no reason I shouldn't get the job unless the other applicants are better interviewers.

The thing is, however, that I felt oddly uncomfortable there, as if I just did not belong. It was probably because of seeing, as I immediately walked into the office, huge plate-glass windows separating the lobby from a board room, where a group of business men in suits and ties sat, looking out over the north Chicago skyline. It was an impressive image, and I felt so fucking young and ridiculous in my Gap khakis, H&M shirt, and the tie I bought at TJ Maxx for thirteen dollars. I felt so out of place, and it put me ill at ease, which I'm sure showed during the interview.

But, honestly, no matter how hard I try to picture myself in such an atmosphere, I can't seem to make it happen. I don't see myself working at a financial firm, no matter how much I wish I could make the salary one would in such a position. I'm obviously more of a non-profit kind of person; I'm not interested in business or corporate practices, and I don't want to work someplace where people would look first at my clothes and then at my job performance. And that's frustrating, because I know I could do anything, but I don't want to do anything. I'm still not sure of what I want to do, if I want to stay in Chicago and work someplace and make lots of money so I can buy shit, or if I just want to go back to school for the next several years, which would prevent me from starting a real career until I'm in my thirties. That prospect is terrifying, but I'm not sure yet if it's scarier than trying to fit in someplace that already makes me uncomfortable.

I called my recruiter today and told her that I thought everything went okay, but that I was never really sure (which is true). She said that she was expecting to hear something by this afternoon, and she'd give me a call as soon as she talked to the company.

Having said all of that, I will take the position if they offer it to me. It'd be silly to turn it down because, honestly, I feel uncomfortable in the majority of settings I find myself in, even school. So all of the stuff above was most likely me being self-conscious about my awkwardness, which I think at times is not as apparent as I like to think it is.

1 comment:

Mrs. K said...

Take it from someone who's been in your shoes. Don't settle for a job or anything in life. If your gut feeling was that you felt like didn't belong there, then don't take it if it's offered! If you do, you're going to be miserable because you're already going into that job w/a negative feeling. And then you'll be stuck there until you can find another job. And then you're gonna be stressed out because now you'll have to take time off from work & employers don't like it when you have a lot of "dr appts" week after week. Then you'll probably end up getting fired because you're missing a lot of work & then that'll make it that much harder to get your next job because you'll have to tell them why you left your last job. AAAAGH!

So do what makes you happy. Life's too short to be in a shitty job that you hate or that you don't belong in. Remember, when you interview for a job, you're not just interviewing to see if the company thinks you'll be a good fit... you're interviewing the company to see if they're a good fit for you.

And if your situation is that you really need a job to help pay the bills then go get a lame temp job until you know what you want to do. Those are much easier to leave & take time off from without causing too much trouble.

Good luck!!