Monday, June 09, 2008

How to lose friends and alienate others.

I've never smoked pot and I always tell people that the reason why is because I get paranoid when I'm sober. It's not really the reason (frankly, I'm just not interested, thank you very much), but it's somewhat based on truth. I'm not crazy paranoid in a schizophrenic way, but occasionally I have thoughts that everyone is out to get me. You know, it happens!

Right now, my big fear is that the people I make fun of on my blog are forming some unholy alliance and will take me down. I know that's kind of silly, but nothing is more disturbing than imagining my ex, the guy from Facebook, Emily Bronte with a Gmail account, my Southern Lit professor from DePaul, the guy I described as looking like the front-half of a satyr, and, eventually, my roommate will all unite and form some sort of militia whose mission is to destroy me. I know it's a little far-fetched, but such a fear is probably a good thing in the long run, one that will perhaps push me into some sort of maturity enlightenment.

1 comment:

Broady said...

Don't forget about the "friend" from your highschool who was such a dick... and you wrote this post about him and eventually named him so he'd find the story in a Google search. Damn, now I can't remember the whole story but I remember that I thought it was hi-larious.

Anyways, I bet he wants in on the unholy alliance.

And way to just say no, bro. I have said yes several times over the years, but the results always disappoint. I finally gave up and just stick to my first love: the booze.