There's this dude in my class who I call The Satyr Guy because he has a big beard that makes him look like the front-half of a satyr. And I've noticed that he has this problem where he talks in the same soft, monotone voice when he's both saying something not-funny under his breath and when he's addressing the entire class.
Tonight our professor came in and said, "Hey, is there anything new about Mark Foley?" And when no one offered anything, The Satyr Guy said, "North Korea tested a nuke."
And then there was awkward silence number one.
Then our professor, who recently got over his shingles, started talking about what he did to get over the pain. And it was obviously a joke. Obviously. Because he said, "I discovered if you crush up vicodin, mix it with Sudafed, and then smoke it, you won't feel a thing!"
And replied The Satyr Guy: "Smoking vicodin is really dangerous."
Awkward silence number two. Followed by the loud laugh-exhale of the girl next to me.
Finally, our professor said to the girl in front of him, "Don't worry, shingles isn't the kind of herpes that's contagious." Apparently The Satyr Guy said something that I didn't make out, and the professor said, "What did you say about herpes?"
"Oh. Just that I always think about how one in six Americans herpes. I mean, why do you think they show those advertisements during prime time?"
Awkward silence number three, where everyone starts looking around and counting how many people showed up for class tonight.
At least now no one will remember last week's herpes comment.