Friday, October 27, 2006

Halloween Blues.

I'm going to a Halloween / Birthday party tomorrow night and I have absolutely no idea what to wear as a costume. This is rather depressing since I used to get really excited about Halloween. (Well, to be honest there were only two Halloweens I ever got excited about, but that was because other people were more excited than me and influenced my own excitement.)

After college, I've discovered that Halloween is kind of boring. It's like that period in high school when you're over your town's age limit for trick or treating and instead you have to hang out on the front stoop with your mother and her best friend, giving out Snickers and Twix bars to your neighbors' children because you didn't make any plans because you live in a town of three-hundred people and everyone in your high school is too busy getting stoned and/or pregnant, and you still don't have a driver's license so you can't go anywhere, and your mother is being a BITCH and won't let you watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show on VH1 (and she doesn't even care that it's EDITED FOR TELEVISION and you can't even see nipples because they're BLURRED OUT). The only difference is now I have a driver's license (but no car), I'm totally over The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I can watch skanky girls walk around wearing Naughty Nurse and Slutty Witch costumes in forty-degree weather.

But anyway, I need a costume for this party and here are my options:

1. Lumberjack
This is the easiest since I have the clothes for it (flannel shirt, puffy down vest, dark jeans, huge utility boots) and a fake mustache. It's so lame, though, and at least two people have said, "Isn't your body type a little ill-fitting for 'lumberjack?'" Okay, okay. I'll be a lumberjack's kid brother.

2. Jeffrey Sebelia
This would be great if I had the energy to dye/spray my hair black and get someone to scribble on my neck with a Sharpie. I'd also have to find some punkier clothes.

3. Laura Bennett
Several people have told me I should be Laura Bennett, and it could work. All I'd need is red lipstick, a sequined dress, and a pillow for a baby bump. While this would, I admit, be hilarious, it'd be too draggy. I've already done Charles Nelson Reilly and Corky St. Clair from Waiting for Guffman, so it's time to butch it up this Halloween.

4. Sid Vicious
I've always wanted to be Sid Vicious because I'm obsessed with Sid and Nancy. It's essentially the same costume as Jeffrey Sebelia, only spikier hair and even less showering.

5. Flavor Flav
God. If only blackface wasn't offensive.

2 comments:

bex said...

please be laura bennett. this is really the only year that you could pull it off because no one will care about this year's project runway next year. plus: brilliant. i can hardly wait to see you all dressed up with one of those serious plunging necklines.

EQ said...

My roommate always gets her costumes from some website that basically pairs every professional uniform and fantasy character with fishnets, thus upping the slutfactor by 50-70%. Her narrowed down list of choices this year: slutty army sergent, slutty crime scene investigator (really), slutty pirate wench, slutty butterfly, slutty Strawberry Shortcake (the winner!), and slutty librarian.

I vote for slutty Jeffrey Sebelia, but how are you going to make your head look like a little dollop of punky peanut butter atop a huge celery stalk?