How did I embarrass myself at the Lily Allen concert last night?
A. I got really drunk and was dancing so much that I forgot to walk to the bathroom and instead peed my pants.
B. I got into a fight with the bartender over the overpriced PBRs.
C. I forgot to eat dinner and went through a dizzy spell in the middle of Lily Allen's set and then woke up when strangers and bouncers carried me to the back of the club.
The answer, folks, is C, though I would think that A would be a much less embarrassing story (I mean, sometimes you've just got to dance).
I don't know what happened. I wasn't drunk, and I had had food yesterday, I just forgot to eat dinner. I was standing next to the sound booth several feet back from the stage and was enjoying the show, and all of a sudden I got very sweaty and my knees felt funny. Then I had this feeling that I was at home in bed, asleep and dreaming. And then I was being carried out of the bar, and had to stop them to let me grab my coat from the coat check. And it was awful, not because my head hurt (and still does) or that I scraped my knees, but rather because they probably just thought I was a drunk diabetic / liability and needed to get me the hell out of there. After I drank some water I felt a little bit better, and I stood in the back next to the merch table while Lily Allen started her last song, but I realized that everyone was just staring at me and waiting for me to topple over, so I walked out to catch a cab.
It was not my finest moment.
I called my boss last night and left a message saying that I was skipping work today, and I'm glad I did because I still feel weird and sore. I'm looking forward to sitting down and eating all day.
UPDATE: Here's another pop quiz! What did my mom say when I told her this story over the phone?
A. Did you inject anything before the concert?
B. Well, it was your fault so it's understandable why you feel embarrassed.
C. You're not going to be one of those people I see on TV who get caught soliticing thirteen-year-old girls on the Internet, are you?
And the answer: all of the above. I don't know how pedophilia fits in, either, but she said it.