Happy birthday, blog!

Hurrah! Today is my blog’s first birthday, and to slack off from writing a real post celebrate, I thought I’d reflect on the past year and bring all of you recent TMA readers up to speed with my life here in Chicago. Just imagine we’re on the last episode of Full House and Michelle has fallen off that horse and now has amnesia and the rest of the Tanners incorporate the effects of a great flashback-episode to make her remember all of the good times. That’s what this is like, only much shorter and probably not as entertaining.

Hey, remember back in October when I was so unemployed that that I went to a job interview in some guy’s condo and could have potentially been killed?! Oh, how hilarious that would have been! Only I figured it out just before knocking on the door (“Heeeey…this doesn’t look like an office building!”).

Laurie moved back home in November, which was depressing and scary, considering I was on the verge of doing the same thing. But before we got all sad and boo-boo bears about it, we got to interview potential roommates (and I got to reflect on why I’m so terrified of living with strangers).

In December, I found out that my best friend in high school, Fuckchill Fuckstin, didn’t invite me to his graduation party. I took it pretty well, don’t you think? Also, I started temping and, to celebrate, I got really, really drunk at my temp agency’s holiday party. Classy!

In January, I got a job working at Urban Outfitters and had a great time waking up at four in the morning and driving out to Schaumburg to count overpriced t-shirts. Oh, and the people were great, too.

I started working full-time in February, and one of my managers made a very important discovery.

Everyone knows that March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day, and this year I looked back on some of my less sophisticated holiday celebrations.

In April, I was pleased to finally acknowledge that I am mature enough to go to the bathroom when necessarily, instead of waiting until the last minute as I’ve done, well, many times. Also, Christina and I started a band.

In May, I realized that I really need to get out of this mining town and make a name for myself, but my anger management issues are keeping me from fully realizing my potential.

I was a big boy and went to a concert all by myself in June, and I realized that it’s not so scary after all. You just might meet an adorable young mother from rural Indiana and have a grand old time!

I recognized I have a variety of psychological problems in July, one of which is excessive paranoia.

In August, Nicole and I went to an Irish pub in Wrigleyville to see some really, really great bands. I also had the sexiest bus ride ever.

Finally, in September, I discovered I had an irrational fear of haircuts. Luckily my new stylist, Drev, helped me get over that.

And there you have it: a whole year of me being bored enough to publish crap online. I promise I won’t do another flashback entry for at least another year. Or until after Blog Sweeps Week.