Too much funk for one morning.

I woke up at seven again this morning in a general Shitballs attitude because it's still snowy/rainy/shitty outside and also, I don't want to fucking come to work anymore. So I sat in bed for a while before I finally managed to get up, knowing that I didn't have to put too much effort into my wardrobe because if I actually follow what I THINK is business casual, my manager will just ask me if I have a job interview. So I'm wearing black pants and a button-up shirt that's not tucked in, which I think still looks fine under the black hoodie I'm wearing over it. Because I no longer give a fuck. My hair even looked dumb this morning but I was like, "Aw, hell no, I'm not going to shower. Fuck that shit."

Just to let all y'all know, I was offered a job on Thursday that started on Friday. It was from the last staffing agency I signed up for, and it was going to pay twenty dollars an hour. Twenty dollars an hour just for the temporary part, but with an increase when I became a real employee after three months. And I told the recruiter that, no, I couldn't take it because I had a job and I needed to give two-week's notice.

I called back yesterday to "check in," and my recruiter told me that things HAD come up and they considered me for the positions, but they didn't call me because I told them I needed to give notice at my present job. So, shit. What the hell am I supposed to do? I have this stupid sense of loyalty to my managers which is really based on NOTHING because they haven't necessarily done anything for me. And should I just WAIT until some company decides that they really want to hire someone but they can wait another two weeks for me? I don't think that's going to happen. And after yesterday's discussion with my manager, who told me that I can't be HONEST ON MY JOB APPRAISAL because HR doesn't think that it's possible for me to actually exceed their expectations to type shit into PeopleSoft, I'm becoming less patient with this job search deal.

I think my problem is that when I read The Fountainhead the first time, the whole selfishness philosophy didn't really take, and that maybe I should spend the next few weeks plunging myself into Ayn Rand's bullshit until I come out not giving a shit about anyone else but myself. Sometimes I feel that I'm just too aware about how my actions affect other people, and maybe I should take a cue from some people I know and just do whatever the fuck I want. And really, in the last few weeks I've been pretty happy because I've been avoiding the stupid shit I don't want to deal with and have stopped calling the people who don't call me back, and I realize that I'm sometimes better off not worrying about how I'm making other people feel.

I realize that this wasn't really about anything other than me doing my usual bitching about work, and I don't want to include a rant about the weather, but JESUS CHRIST I am not supposed to be wearing long underwear in April. I mentioned this to Megan this morning, whose response was, "Back in Germany, we wore felt-lined corduroys in April..." I accepted this for about five minutes, but then I realized that Megan is my age. And American. And her telling me that would have only been comforting had she been eighty years old and my grandmother.

That's all I've got.

UPDATE: After accidentally receiving the university's SAT report, which shows the average scores of all high school students who sent their scores here, I now understand why HR thinks I can only do a mediocre to average performance at work. It makes me feel about five percent happier.

UPDATE: I talked to my manager. She told me to just prepare a resignation letter and if I get an offer for something that starts immediately, I can take it. Hooray!