I don't have cable.

I called my mother last night and she told me that my cousin, the artist, is doing the courtroom sketches for the Michael Vick hearing in Richmond and the pictures were picked up by CBS, FOX, and ABC for broadcast tonight on their national news programs.

"Be sure to watch for his byline!" she told me.

"Well, I would, except that I don't have cable," I replied.

There was a silence on the other end of the phone that lasted longer than I was comfortable with, as if I had just told her I had killed someone. "What?" she finally asked.

"I don't have cable."

Another pause. "What do you have?" she asked. Not really understanding the question and how I should respond to it, I repeated, "I don't have cable."

"You don't even have HBO?"

Sigh.

I used the conversation to segue into the real reason I called home: I overdrew my account and needed to borrow money. Too bad sacrificing VH1 and Big Love isn't actually saving me money.