Monday, April 03, 2006

I am my mother's son.

This morning I received an email from my mother. She sometimes will write specifically to ask me something and then add short references to what's going on in her life.

The actual reason she emailed me this morning was to ask if I have gotten any tax forms from my bank. It was a short and sweet paragraph, getting right down to business.

Then, she goes into the breaking news segment:

"I have an appointment in Richmond at 1:30 for a mammogram today, so I’m not going to work this morning."

She just put that right out there. Hey, that's not awkward at all. I'm just glad my mother is keeping things in check.

[Side Note: One night a couple of years ago, my mother mentioned that she had an appointment for a mammogram the next day. She said that to prepare for the checkup she was going to go out to the garage and place herself between the car's tire and the cold cement floor. I hope you have something to look forward to now, ladies.]

Luckily, the medical information stopped there, and she turned to news in the entertainment world:

"For some reason we had Showtime and the Movie Channel over the weekend (in fact, we still do this AM), so we watched Crash last night. I thought it was really good. It was hard to watch though."

I don't really remember anything from Crash that was "hard to watch." I'm also surprised that it is on Showtime already, so I'm kind of hoping that she watched this Crash by accident.

After wrapping it up with a quick "Love you, Mom," she realized that she forgot to mention the best part:

"P.S. I also tried to watch Liza with a Z, but it was awful – what a ho. She was on Ellen’s talk show one night last week, and she must be the world’s biggest idiot."

So there's your news. Mammograms are no fun, Crash is kind of rough, and Liza Minelli is a ho.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is unrelated (although if i were to comment on the post, i would say i felt uncomfortable reading it, which is not neccessarily a bad thing): i just saw this on dcist:
"If you're a Mason student trying to pick up that chin, check out one of our most recent Three Stars, Shwa, at GMU's Jazzman's Cafe. A college student's schedule will make it easier to enjoy this 4 p.m. show, but if you're in the neighborhood, stop on by."

A) Who knew Shwa played music still?
B) Where is this Jazzman's Cafe? I've spent a lot of time on the GMU campus, and I've never heard of it.
C) Speaking of things I did not know about GMU, I had no idea GMU has a basketball team until ten days ago.

love,
meg who is sorry her phone died last friday afternoon

Christina said...

I love your mom, but not as much as your dad, you should tell the story about you pooping in the kitchen trashcan next! That'll be a real crowd pleaser!!!

Tyler said...

CHRISTINA. I did NOT poop in the trashcan.

Here's the real story:
I was sleepwalking once (age ten at the OLDEST) and I walked into the kitchen and almost - ALMOST - peed in the trashcan.

My brother is the one who took a shit in the yard. He was five, I think.

I don't think I want to talk about bathroom topics anymore. It gets everyone over-excited.

Christina said...

That's not what I heard, that's certainly NOT what your FATHER told me, and I think he's a far more credible source than you, and now all of the internet knows you pooped in your kitchen trashcan, weren't you like 13? I think that's what your dad said.

Tyler said...

That is a LIE! He told the story about me peeing in the trashcan, and then started talking about the pooping in the yard incident when my brother (what was he thinking?!) said, "No, that was me."

YOU WERE THERE. STOP LYING TO THE INTERNET.

Tyler said...

PS. Let's remember that my "credible" father was once caught peeing in our yard by the neighbor's daughter.

Christina said...

I really don't think your father would do that, that's just disgusting. Only children or adults with body issues would do that.

Christina said...

Oh and I heard your neighbor's daughter was a slutbag...so not so credible eh.

Tyler said...

Lady, stop leaving me comments. I don't know you!