True Friendship, or: I'm your child, please take care of me until I'm thirty.

My parents just forwarded this email to me, the receipt of which was rather unsettling.

True Friendship: None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this e-mail-just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry person who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know what you did last night.

4. When you are scared - -I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be... until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "Because you are my friend."

Send this to all 10 of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Is it absolutely terrible that I just want option ten ("When you overdraw your account for the fifth time in two months, I will sent you money so that you can pay your rent")? That one is surely the most applicable, only because they are unable to get me a new job where I can actually afford to pay my bills and eat two meals a day at the same time.