Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Eeek! My parents are coming!

My parents are coming to Chicago to visit me for the first time since I moved here over two years ago. They had been planning to come for a long time but there's been a ton of family crises (deaths, cancer, etc) keeping them in Virginia. I'm very excited, but now that they'll be here in two days, I'm rather nervous because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THEM.

Granted, I can have them do all of the tourist stuff like the Sears Tower and Millennium Park because I know they want to do that stuff. But at the same time, I don't want to limit it to the crappy stuff like going to the top of a big building and looking at that damn Bean. I'm definitely going to encourage that we make the trek down to Hyde Park to go to the Museum of Science and Industry, since my dad is obsessed with Discovery Channel type things, and the Field Museum since my mom likes dead, stuffed animals (especially elephants!).

I'm also trying to figure out where to go for dinner three nights in a row. My parents definitely aren't as picky as I am when it comes to food, but they are just as hesitant to unnecessary fancy meals. (We don't have an exotic selection in Montross, natch.) I talked to my mom online last night, and she started asking me if I'd heard of the restaurants featured in her Frommers' guide (from 2004). "Have you heard of North Pond? How about Italian Village? Ooh! A Rainforest Cafe!" I, on the other hand, am trying to find some places that have some character and do not have locations in other cities. And also feature hamburgers on the menu.

I've also come up with two rules that my parents will have to follow the entire weekend. The first is mostly for my father: DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE YOU DO NOT KNOW. When my father came with me to Chicago, every single bum and con artist on the street took him for the sucker he is, and I'll be damned if he wasn't handing out spare change to anyone who asked him for it, only to bitch about it later to me. He even paid twelve dollars for an unsolicited shoe-shine!

Rule number two is for my mother: DO NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY NEW JOB. My mother has been driving me absolutely nuts since Monday by calling me at work multiple times a day with random queries about my new employment. Hell, this started on Thursday, the day of the interview, when she asked me three times if Northwestern offered benefits. The thing that really aggravates me is that she'll just look up the answers to her questions on the Northwestern HR site no matter what I tell her, so I don't know why she's bothering me with them in the first place. Yesterday was probably the worst of it, when she called to tell me that I shouldn't have formally resigned from DePaul because I haven't gotten the official offer letter. She's convinced that my new boss is trying to scam me into working for free, I think, and she's terrified that I won't have a real job in two weeks. She also told me not to burn my bridges at DePaul "just in case of an emergency." I guess she expects that on Friday I'll be so excited to leave that I'll be throwing out Fuck-yous and c-punches and lighting my farts on fire.

I mean, it's not like I haven't thought about it, but come on - I'm an adult now.


Anonymous said...

tyler we all know that you do not fart

David said...

take them to earwax for dinner. seriously. at the very least, when they start random conversations with the kids the next table over, you can turn it into an interesting blog post.

Tyler said...

oh, god. i don't know if can take my parents to wicker park at all. i'm presenting the illusion that chicago isn't the urban wasteland they think it is. and there's, like, punks in WP.

MonoCerdo said...

I recommend the Hopleaf for dinner. It's not far from you, there is good food, and plenty of interesting beer.

Oh wait. There is no hamburger on the menu. Never mind. I recommend McDonald's.

lkbom said...

Take them to Wildfire or Yoshi's. I don't know if you eat steak, but they'll at least have chicken.

Or maybe some cotton candy.

Todd said...

Bistrot Zinc. It works for any occasion.