You all know I love LOLcats. I've been on the LOLcat bandwagon for months. I sit in my cubicle, clicking through I Can Has Cheezburger and loudly giggle to myself. I make friends look at pictures and get angry when they do not LOL. I was a LOLcat for Halloween. I list "LOLcats" as my religion on my Facebook profile. Clearly, I love the LOLcat phenomenon.
Which is why I have to destroy it.
I don't know if you've ever had the misfortune to realize that you must destroy something you love. This is, honestly, the first time I've had to come to terms with it. It's really upsetting, even worse than Old Yeller would have you believe, but that's not a surprise. I'm not a dog person. I am a LOLcat person.
But the Internet craze has become too much. It's inspired websites like LOLgay, LOLhan, and LOLsecretz, all of which you will notice are on my blogroll. And while I am in LOLlove with all of these sites, I'm afraid the fifteen minutes is up. And usually, fifteen minutes of fame on the Internet is equivalent to about an afternoon of chuckles, so the LOLcats have done pretty well for themselves.
I was thinking the other night, "How can I put an end to the LOLcat phenomenon? What can convince the Internet that these cats are bad, and need to be stopped?" Then I remembered what almost ruined the universal love for actual kittens back in 1982: CATS.
So, I figure if I cross LOLcats with some Andrew LOL Webber, I can end it once and for all. And frankly, I'm surprised no one has thought it before. Please, come with me as I journey to the Heavyside Layer, where the spirits of LOLcats will rest forever.
Julie Klausner and friends perform "Honky Cat" [YouTube]