Today Bex, half of The New Awesome, wrote a post about "the February Factor," which is the idea that February is just sucky, sucky, sucky (I'm paraphrasing, obvs.). I generally agree, since this February has been a rickety roller coaster ride of emotions. Sorry, I apologize for the alliteration and poor metaphor, but really, I'm too tired / uninspired to come up with something original. Which is why you're getting a depressing, whiny blog post. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like every afternoon I hit my limit with work, and I end up writing Megan the same sort of thing in our email exchange: "WHY can't I find a new job? WHY can't I convince, or at least trick, anyone that I'm capable of doing something that doesn't involve typing numbers into blank boxes?" It seems like I have some sort of existential dilemma just after lunch, or at least on the days when I eat chicken tacos (which, at this point, is about every other day). It's hard for me to not think that I'm doing something wrong. I mean, I'm online every day applying for new jobs. I'm keeping in contact with staffing agencies. I'm emailing back and forth with my old boss. I'm refreshing my CareerBuilder resume. I'm applying for jobs that I know I'm qualified for. I'm networking through MySpace, for Christ's sake. I'm actually doing shit, but nothing seems to come of it, and it's so, so frustrating. I don't know what else to do! I can't even get real, face-to-face interviews!
The February Factor, when it comes to my life, seems to be my early 20s. I know that everyone else, generally, is having a hard time right now. I know that. As I've heard repeatedly, "The early-20s are really hard." Yes, I know. But I still wish I could bypass that. I'm not saying I want to start looking at condos and pay mortgages and start families and buy cars. No. I just want to be somewhat settled. I want a real salary, and I want to be able to think, "OK, things are going to work out for the next five years." I don't want to have to keep answering the question, "Where do you see yourself in the next five years?" over the phone to HR recruiters who have absolutely no intention of hiring me. I don't even know the answer to that question yet! I don't even know what I want to be doing in the next two weeks! All I know is that I want a job that I'm comfortable in, something that I can be even remotely interested in, and something where I feel like I'm doing something productive and can actually care about my work. I haven't found it. I certainly don't care if John Smith's ACT scores are above the 23 composite score. (I don't even know that that means, frankly, since I took the SATs, and the fact that I don't really get the numbers I'm plugging into my computer frustrates me. I'd love to be more involved in this process, but right now I'm in a position that doesn't even require a degree, much less the understanding of the ACT test.)
I have a bad feeling that it's going to be February until I turn twenty eight.