Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I hate my life, part eighteen.

Let me just describe the first half hour of my day:

I run out at 4:30 to hop into an SUV already holding four people, only to discover that we have to pick up another girl. I ride in said SUV, uncomfortably sandwiched between boring hipster girl with bad hair and boring hipster dude off of whom I receive an Axe Body Spray contact high, all the way to Schaumburg.

I listen to really bad music (think Allman Brothers-type of Dad-rock blues meets VH1 "rock" a la Incubus) while gross guy in the front seat who wears a too-small brown leather jacket that stops about four inches too short on his wrists (yeah man, show off those tats!) and Vans with a marijuana leaf pattern intermittently calls the girl driving a "bull dyke" and plays air guitar. Seriously, if you're sober and playing air guitar, you are a douchebag, especially if you're furiously playing all of the chords.

It's safe to say that the next six hours that I spent in Urban scanning random housewares with a scanner gun and narrowly avoiding death (I had to climb up a really tall ladder and maneuver my poor scanning skills around bulky quilts) were not happy ones.

I did, however, score fifty dollars in cash...

Was it worth it?

5 comments:

'Duk said...

That sounds terrible.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it appears your current situation might be Exhibit No. 1 on why not to get a degree in English.

(This coming from a guy with a degree in journalism.)

Little A said...

I have an English degree and I work for the f---ing Australian Government.
Oh, joy!

Eric Kleingott said...

And you said you were losing some funny!

Ah.

BUT FROM WHENCE DOES THIS FUNNY ORIGIN? I think, my friend, that the answer lies just beneath this dubious little account called "Too Much Awesome." (Or as, at the tank we say, TMA). Punct Ein. When you are NOT DOING ANYTHING, you are LOATH LIFE (unfunny). Punct Zwei. When you are DOING SOMETHING (connections attempting to make in the "real-world," job-possibility exploring) you are EXPERIENCE A WEALTH OF THE WORLD'S IGNORANCE AND PECULIARITY (funny). You may greet both cases with the reciprocal dismay, but I, on one hand, welcome the second instance WITH GLEENESS AND PRIVILEDGE. And I have hated my life since seven.

Anonymous said...

hi tyler. I think you're doing just fine. this is the first time I've read these. jeanie w. would be proud that you write so much. keep a chin up about it. if you're thinking of leaving don't go home, think about philly. it's cheap and you can work at penn just like the rest of us. also we've got ben franks coming outta the ears. it's a tercentenary!

l8rr.
erin english major, class of '04

Anonymous said...

yes.