If you're not from Chicago, you probably don't know about Jimmy Johns, which is a chain of sandwich shops like Subway but it doesn't smell as bad and they deliver. Also, they apparently have commercials with an Asian announcer which is kind of pointless and racist-question-mark? (But still, it beats Jared, who is still overweight and the reason is because HE STILL EATS AT SUBWAY.)
Or perhaps you've heard of Jimmy John's because you were unfortunate to catch an episode or two of My Boys on TBS, which is the "Chicago sitcom," and also the reason why I'll never think Jim Gaffigan is funny. Because the show isn't actually filmed in Chicago, it relies on inserting Chicago landmarks into the dialogue. The actors overcompensate this, and here's an example (emphasis not mine): "Hey, why don't we hop over to JIMMY JOHN'S for a bite to eat before the game at WRIGLEY FIELD. Then we can meet up with the guys over at KINGSTON MINES!" Also, the show is about a girl who is a sportswriter. Is that even allowed?
Anyway, I started going to Jimmy John's because I found out that you could get a "slim" sandwich for about three dollars, meaning that I didn't have to pay five bucks for just turkey on my bread. And with a drink and chips, my lunch would be cheaper than McDonald's, which makes SENSE because all I'm getting is TURKEY ON A PLAIN ROLL.
Thennnn JJ's tried to sneak one by me and raised the prices on everything on the menu. Suddenly I was not saving money because my lunch began to cost six dollars and sixty six cents. (Perhaps the symbolism of that number is lost on Mr. John's.) I figured this was because they switched from the normal paper cups for drinks to big, dumb, plastic cups (you know, the kind you pay extra money for at Taco Bell because it ties in with the Godzilla movie), as if I was going to elated to have a complimentary souvenir from Jimmy John's #48. Instead, my reaction to this was, "Well, I guess it'll be McDonald's for lunch everyday again. Welcome back, indigestion!" Today, however, I wasn't very hungry so I decided to run by Jimmy John's. What did I find? Not only was my combo still $6.66 (that's to help out those of you who are more visual readers - get it now? JJ's is the ANTI-CHRIST), but it did not come with a big plastic cup. Instead, they gave me a smaller, paper cup. I paid more money for less Coke and four slices of turkey on a plain roll.
I hate you, Jimmy John's.
I should have taken more than one package of Grey Poupon.