I'm still an idiot.

I posted my resume on Monster without any expectations other than to receive calls from mumbled "HR representatives" in strange area codes (603 is a popular one) offering me positions selling insurance. Imagine my surprise, then, when I got an email from an HR rep from a large Chicago company requesting I put in an application for an administrative assistant position. (It was legit - it's a real company and the HR lady didn't have a Yahoo mail address.) So I did, and I immediately got an email from the woman requesting a phone interview. It also mentioned that I would have to take a short prescreening assessment test online, and that it had to be completed before my interview.

No sweat!

When I came back from lunch and had about two minutes before I really had to get back to work, I opened the test. When I read "assessment," I was expecting the test with questions like, "How well do you work in a group?" Or: "Do you set deadlines for yourself?" You know, the type of questions that do have a correct answer and encourage you to lie. "Why, yes! I work very well under pressure!"

Then I start the test and realize I have to know math. Like, percentages. What? What? Fuck. Shit. Analogies? Okay, that's not so bad. Put this sentence in order and determine if it's a true statement? I can do that! FRACTIONS?! WHAT?! FUCK.

And the PHONE was ringing (no one ever calls me!) and I couldn't pause and I wasted a good minute and a half on someone from the phone center asking about a transcript when I could have been doing long division and SHIT it was scary. I wasn't prepared! I couldn't believe it! I finished it with twenty seconds to spare, but still! I just took an SAT pre-test that determines if I really get an interview.

When I closed the window for the Scary Test, my GMail account was open and I saw that the email from the testing site had the following instructions:

Please allow approximately 15 minutes to complete the assessment process. Once the test begins, you cannot return to complete it at a later time. Before beginning the assessment process, make sure that you are by yourself in a quiet environment that will allow you to focus on each question.
Have scratch paper and a pencil handy.

I am so. Stupid. I'm going to go stress-eat an entire bag of cinnamon hearts now.



UPDATE: Nevermind. I got the phone interview.